I came back to what I am now considering my home in Uswetakeiyawa, the half way home and fast becoming my home in the real sense of the word in Sri Lanka. I was made to feel so welcomed by the people in the village when I went for my evening walk. Something I had not done with any consistency while in the commercial hub of the country Colombo for what has been the better part of 8 months from July 2010. It was a wonderful feeling to walk down the familiar byways and lanes, some boiling hot and the others cool covered by the branches of the trees lining the edges of the boundary of the pathways.
There were the The Dixon's, The Manoj's , the Rose Akka’s, the Nalika Nangi's and Chandana Mallies, and an assorted bunch of characters depending on their age wo affectionately refer to me as the “ Kara bu Nati Mama, Aiyah or Malli ,( The Uncle, Elder Brother or young boy with the earring, the earring is my trade mark here ). What amazes me still is the fact that some of the kids still think I am a tourist from the hotel nearby frequented by Caucasians. I generally wear track suits and running shoes and this impression is firm in their minds. They invariably try to communicate with me in English. This in spite of the fact that I am frequently seen engaged in conversations in fluent Sinhalese with their Elders. It is very appealing to me.
I have grown very fond of this environment and find myself very comfortable with the people here better than I do with those of my own background in Colombo. Village life is something I was accustomed to some extend as a child and some how other there are characteristics that are hard to find in the towns and city's in this once paradise island of mine. Although I have only been exposed to the surroundings of Mary's Lane since July 2008 I find that I see when I am walking are similarities to what I recollect of the Town , Kotahena I was born in. Children playing cricket with wooden bats and rubber balls, Parents waiting for their off springs to return after their extracurricular activities and the conversations between neighbors across the street exchanging pleasantries or complaining about the prices of food or just plane gossip about the latest scandal to hit the neighborhood. There are also the occasional violent conflicts which are the result of long standing grudges and unfortunately some of them do result in death though I have never seen any incidences I have heard so. When I amble along I notice the state of the various gardens of the houses I pass and remember the state of the vegetation from the last walk. Very comforting and enhancing that deep sense of belonging. I love it here!
The last three weeks have been one hectic rush and full of tension with the only respite being the six days I enjoyed with my mother in Singapore from the 12th to the 18th of February. That was a memorable journey for me and I will post it separately. The result of the differences of opinions about what I should be doing as understood by my Sister versus my own insistence that I needed to now advance in my life and see a definite change in my circumstances to be productive at a level that I know I can achieve. Unfortunately the whole process of trying to explain this only resulted in bitter tirades and confrontations compounded by misrepresentations of events concerning me over the last few months. My final conclusion ? The people who claim to care about me the most seemed to be my biggest impediment for genuine progress and the typecast behavior of a Bi Polar was still the single association of me and anything I had done or anything I was attempting to convey in addressing issues that had to be resolved. It was depressing to say the least and even if I say so myself I have really come along away from what I was in 2008 ! I don't know how I found the strength and ability not to relapse and keep going with headstrong determination to establish my rights and needs and with a few compromises did achieve most of what I wanted.
The decision to come back to the half way home for a while was simple. My physician has advised me and I feel the need to recharge the batteries as it were. I need to rethink my life style so that my exercise routine and yoga practice occupy prime time in my day. My energy levels are depleted and they have to be restored quickly. This is the place to achieve these objectives and I have plenty of freedom and clout to demand that the Management accommodate my requests. Basing my self here and planing action for execution would be easily accomplished rather than my dissipating energies shifting residence on a short term basis or shuttling between Colombo and here. Overall it will be comfortable and will be ideal to allow for steady progress with a lot less stress than other options available to me right now. My objectives and ambitions on where are I want to see my self by the 31st of August remain the same but the methods will be modified.
Somebody had written recently, in context of the present situation in the Middle East quoting the physicist Max Planck who said, “Scientific theories don’t change because old scientists change their minds; they change because old scientists die.” In my context I interpret it thus... “ I don't think perceptions about me are likely to change easily and god forbid I don't want my family to die because I need them to change. They after all have supported me unstintingly thus far. I will change my methods to achieve what I want and pursue my dreams with the confidence I have acquired now about my ability. I don't intend to die in the process but live instead to see the skeptics acknowledge the change !”
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Strange But True
As usual I start my post with the same excuse that I must not procrastinate!!! However as I am learning fast it is a reality. The problem is I like to write but I need to be inspired to get the creative juices going. Todays post was inspired by an email I sent to my psychiatrist which prompted to document a surreal event that occurred last night.
I was very depressed as it seemed like I was getting no where in terms of getting my immediate family to realize that what I had planned for was realistic and achievable and my Bi Polar disorder should't be an impediment to my ambitions. I hear all the time that people do live normal lives with this condition but in my case my support system which is primarily my Sister doesn't seem to think so. I try to explain but end up in arguments leading to comments that I am still unstable. What is sad is that how labels never can be removed in the eye of the beholder. And I have experienced this so many times I am getting used to it which frightens me as the only thing I am sure about is my ability to survive and overcome and if I loose that focus I will be nothing.
Anyway I am fortunate with all the problems that happen I am presently living in the lap of luxury at the Hilton Residency in the heart of Colombo Sri Lanka. To that extent my Sister never spares the expense to take care of my well being. What I guess she can't quite comprehend and I guess in retrospect is quite natural is why I can't accept that this the best I can get and why bother to look or aspire for more. Unfortunately that philosophy doesn't quite sit well with me as it goes against my funder mental nature and naturally I resent it. Anyway that is another subject for a another post. To get back to what happened last night.
I heard that there was a live band with a good reputation playing down stares and I thought lets go enjoy myself and get out of the room and the depressive feeling that was overwhelming me. changed into a smart casual outfit and contemplated dinner on my own and to just be and will myself not to think about the problems but actually hoping I might find some interesting company to dance and chat with.
The Bands' reputation was true. They were good. The sound was balanced and the music was early eighties and material I liked. I was relaxing looking around smoking and trying to see if there were any single ladies to pick up. I was half listening and taking in the scene as it were when suddenly I heard a favorite song of mine. I froze as I heard the familiar lyrics and the cold realization of what I was thinking about struck me. It was something I had completely dismissed from my mind for quite sometime and I felt terrified. I thought I was over her and finished with her in any emotional sense but the music and her image fixated in my mind and try as I might I couldn't stop the process and the inevitable conclusion that this was something that would continue to haunt me dawned.
I tried desperately to force and stop what I was thinking about, I looked at the others trying to see somebody I could approach, ask for a dance, have a drink so that I could be distracted.
Nothing worked ! I walked out to the side walk and lit up. My hands were trembling in probably the hottest season in town. The doorman looked concerned and I had to force a silly grin to assure him I was alright. paced up and down and tried to calm myself. I thought how come suddenly this woman came into my mind I had been very confident that it would never happen. What stupidity. I would never be able to forget her in the context I thought about her. What will I do do now ?
My nerves had settled down and I suddenly felt a sense of calm and contentment. I had to accept the truth. I have to also accept the reality that I will always think about her again like this !!! But let it be, I told myself I don't know stranger things have happened and if thinking about her is something that is going to happen regularly so be it, in what ever context, it makes me happy !
The song "You are all ways on my Mind" was sentimental and not quite the one I have in mind now, but it set the mood. The image was a picture that I took of probably one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever met in my life, curled up like a kitten in a chair sleeping and I had just finished the longest Mobile call I can remember of one hour and twenty eight minutes and thirty three seconds just two hours and fifteen minutes ago with her!
I was very depressed as it seemed like I was getting no where in terms of getting my immediate family to realize that what I had planned for was realistic and achievable and my Bi Polar disorder should't be an impediment to my ambitions. I hear all the time that people do live normal lives with this condition but in my case my support system which is primarily my Sister doesn't seem to think so. I try to explain but end up in arguments leading to comments that I am still unstable. What is sad is that how labels never can be removed in the eye of the beholder. And I have experienced this so many times I am getting used to it which frightens me as the only thing I am sure about is my ability to survive and overcome and if I loose that focus I will be nothing.
Anyway I am fortunate with all the problems that happen I am presently living in the lap of luxury at the Hilton Residency in the heart of Colombo Sri Lanka. To that extent my Sister never spares the expense to take care of my well being. What I guess she can't quite comprehend and I guess in retrospect is quite natural is why I can't accept that this the best I can get and why bother to look or aspire for more. Unfortunately that philosophy doesn't quite sit well with me as it goes against my funder mental nature and naturally I resent it. Anyway that is another subject for a another post. To get back to what happened last night.
I heard that there was a live band with a good reputation playing down stares and I thought lets go enjoy myself and get out of the room and the depressive feeling that was overwhelming me. changed into a smart casual outfit and contemplated dinner on my own and to just be and will myself not to think about the problems but actually hoping I might find some interesting company to dance and chat with.
The Bands' reputation was true. They were good. The sound was balanced and the music was early eighties and material I liked. I was relaxing looking around smoking and trying to see if there were any single ladies to pick up. I was half listening and taking in the scene as it were when suddenly I heard a favorite song of mine. I froze as I heard the familiar lyrics and the cold realization of what I was thinking about struck me. It was something I had completely dismissed from my mind for quite sometime and I felt terrified. I thought I was over her and finished with her in any emotional sense but the music and her image fixated in my mind and try as I might I couldn't stop the process and the inevitable conclusion that this was something that would continue to haunt me dawned.
I tried desperately to force and stop what I was thinking about, I looked at the others trying to see somebody I could approach, ask for a dance, have a drink so that I could be distracted.
Nothing worked ! I walked out to the side walk and lit up. My hands were trembling in probably the hottest season in town. The doorman looked concerned and I had to force a silly grin to assure him I was alright. paced up and down and tried to calm myself. I thought how come suddenly this woman came into my mind I had been very confident that it would never happen. What stupidity. I would never be able to forget her in the context I thought about her. What will I do do now ?
My nerves had settled down and I suddenly felt a sense of calm and contentment. I had to accept the truth. I have to also accept the reality that I will always think about her again like this !!! But let it be, I told myself I don't know stranger things have happened and if thinking about her is something that is going to happen regularly so be it, in what ever context, it makes me happy !
The song "You are all ways on my Mind" was sentimental and not quite the one I have in mind now, but it set the mood. The image was a picture that I took of probably one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever met in my life, curled up like a kitten in a chair sleeping and I had just finished the longest Mobile call I can remember of one hour and twenty eight minutes and thirty three seconds just two hours and fifteen minutes ago with her!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Bertrand Russell Vs Hosni Mubarak
This is an excellent comparison that anybody following events in the Middle East should read. Unfortunately I didn't save the link so the date maybe wrong. The Authors Name is Correct and I post it with the consent to use I found it with.
The following Content is for general information purposes only. Your comments are provided by your own free will and you take sole responsibility for any direct or indirect liability. You hereby provide me with an irrevocable, unlimited, and global license for no consideration to use, reuse, delete or publish comments, in accordance with Community Rules & Guidelines and Terms and Conditions.
By Imran Garda
Exactly 41 years ago to the day the great British philosopher Bertrand Russell died. Among the countless works that will continue to bring him posthumous recognition, are his various treatises on human psychology and the one thing he considered the principle driving force in social life - power.
As Hosni Mubarak addressed the millions of Egyptian people, marching, protesting, bursting with revolutionary fervour intent on seeing him vacate a Presidential seat he's occupied for 30 years, I pondered over what Russell would think of Mubarak, and his address, wherein he promised to step down - eventually.
Below are extracts from Russell's articles on political power and the book, "The Conquest of Happiness", offset with extracts of Mubarak's latest speech:
BR: The statesman who has gradually concentrated all power within himself in order that he may be able to carry out the high and noble aims which have led him to eschew comfort and enter the arena of public life, is amazed at the ingratitude of the people when they turn against him.
HM: "Those protests were transformed from a noble and civilised phenomenon of practising freedom of expression to unfortunate clashes, mobilised and controlled by political forces that wanted to escalate and worsen the situation. They targeted the nation's security and stability through acts of provocation theft and looting and setting fires and blocking roads and attacking vital installations and public and private properties and storming some diplomatic missions."
BR: It never occurs to him that his work may have had anything but a public motive, or that the pleasure of controlling affairs may have in any degree inspired his activities. The phrases which are customary on the platform and in the Party Press have gradually come to him to seem to express truths, and he mistakes the rhetoric of partisanship for a genuine analysis of motives.
HM: "I have never, ever been seeking power and the people know the difficult circumstances that I shouldered my responsibility and what I offered this country in war and peace, just as I am a man from the armed forces and it is not in my nature to betray the trust or give up my responsibilities and duties...Hosni Mubarak who speaks to you today is proud of the long years he spent in the service of Egypt and its people. This dear nation is my country, it is the country of all Egyptians, here I have lived and fought for its sake and I defended its land, its sovereignty and interests and on this land I will die and history will judge me and others for our merits and faults.
BR: Power, like vanity, is insatiable. Nothing short of omnipotence could satisfy it completely. And as it is especially the vice of energetic men, the causal efficacy of love of power is out of all proportion to its frequency. It is, indeed, by far the strongest motive in the lives of important men.
HM: "My primary responsibility now is security and independence of the nation to ensure a peaceful transfer of power in circumstances that protect Egypt and the Egyptians and allow handing over responsibility to whoever the people choose in the coming presidential election.”
BR: In any autocratic regime, the holders of power become increasingly tyrannical with experience of the delights that power can afford. Since power over human beings is shown in making them do what they would rather not do, the man who is actuated by love of power is more apt to inflict pain than to permit pleasure. If you ask your boss for leave of absence from the office on some legitimate occasion, his love of power will derive more satisfaction from a refusal than from a consent. If you require a building permit, the petty official concerned will obviously get more pleasure from saying 'No' than from saying 'Yes'. It is this sort of thing which makes the love of power such a dangerous motive.
HM: "I am now absolutely determined to finish my work for the nation in a way that ensures handing over its safe-keeping and banner ... preserving its legitimacy and respecting the constitution.
"I will work in the remaining months of my term to take the steps to ensure a peaceful transfer of power
"I will entrust the new government to perform in ways that will achieve the legitimate rights of the people and that its performance should express the people and their aspirations of political, social and economic reform and to allow job opportunities and combating poverty, realising social justice.
"I also demand the judicial and supervisory authorities to take immediately the necessary measures to continue pursuing outlaws and to investigate those who caused the security disarray and those who undertook acts of theft, looting and setting fires and terrorising citizens.
"This is my pledge to the people during the last remaining months of my current term: I ask God to help me to honour this pledge to complete my vocation to Egypt and its people in what satisfies God, the nation and its people”
BR: Disgusted and disillusioned, he retires from the world after the world has retired from him, and regrets that he ever attempted so thankless a task as the pursuit of the public good.
HM: "I say in all honesty and regardless of the current situation that I did not intend to nominate myself for a new presidential term. I have spent enough years of my life in the service of Egypt and its people.”
The following Content is for general information purposes only. Your comments are provided by your own free will and you take sole responsibility for any direct or indirect liability. You hereby provide me with an irrevocable, unlimited, and global license for no consideration to use, reuse, delete or publish comments, in accordance with Community Rules & Guidelines and Terms and Conditions.
By Imran Garda
Exactly 41 years ago to the day the great British philosopher Bertrand Russell died. Among the countless works that will continue to bring him posthumous recognition, are his various treatises on human psychology and the one thing he considered the principle driving force in social life - power.
As Hosni Mubarak addressed the millions of Egyptian people, marching, protesting, bursting with revolutionary fervour intent on seeing him vacate a Presidential seat he's occupied for 30 years, I pondered over what Russell would think of Mubarak, and his address, wherein he promised to step down - eventually.
Below are extracts from Russell's articles on political power and the book, "The Conquest of Happiness", offset with extracts of Mubarak's latest speech:
BR: The statesman who has gradually concentrated all power within himself in order that he may be able to carry out the high and noble aims which have led him to eschew comfort and enter the arena of public life, is amazed at the ingratitude of the people when they turn against him.
HM: "Those protests were transformed from a noble and civilised phenomenon of practising freedom of expression to unfortunate clashes, mobilised and controlled by political forces that wanted to escalate and worsen the situation. They targeted the nation's security and stability through acts of provocation theft and looting and setting fires and blocking roads and attacking vital installations and public and private properties and storming some diplomatic missions."
BR: It never occurs to him that his work may have had anything but a public motive, or that the pleasure of controlling affairs may have in any degree inspired his activities. The phrases which are customary on the platform and in the Party Press have gradually come to him to seem to express truths, and he mistakes the rhetoric of partisanship for a genuine analysis of motives.
HM: "I have never, ever been seeking power and the people know the difficult circumstances that I shouldered my responsibility and what I offered this country in war and peace, just as I am a man from the armed forces and it is not in my nature to betray the trust or give up my responsibilities and duties...Hosni Mubarak who speaks to you today is proud of the long years he spent in the service of Egypt and its people. This dear nation is my country, it is the country of all Egyptians, here I have lived and fought for its sake and I defended its land, its sovereignty and interests and on this land I will die and history will judge me and others for our merits and faults.
BR: Power, like vanity, is insatiable. Nothing short of omnipotence could satisfy it completely. And as it is especially the vice of energetic men, the causal efficacy of love of power is out of all proportion to its frequency. It is, indeed, by far the strongest motive in the lives of important men.
HM: "My primary responsibility now is security and independence of the nation to ensure a peaceful transfer of power in circumstances that protect Egypt and the Egyptians and allow handing over responsibility to whoever the people choose in the coming presidential election.”
BR: In any autocratic regime, the holders of power become increasingly tyrannical with experience of the delights that power can afford. Since power over human beings is shown in making them do what they would rather not do, the man who is actuated by love of power is more apt to inflict pain than to permit pleasure. If you ask your boss for leave of absence from the office on some legitimate occasion, his love of power will derive more satisfaction from a refusal than from a consent. If you require a building permit, the petty official concerned will obviously get more pleasure from saying 'No' than from saying 'Yes'. It is this sort of thing which makes the love of power such a dangerous motive.
HM: "I am now absolutely determined to finish my work for the nation in a way that ensures handing over its safe-keeping and banner ... preserving its legitimacy and respecting the constitution.
"I will work in the remaining months of my term to take the steps to ensure a peaceful transfer of power
"I will entrust the new government to perform in ways that will achieve the legitimate rights of the people and that its performance should express the people and their aspirations of political, social and economic reform and to allow job opportunities and combating poverty, realising social justice.
"I also demand the judicial and supervisory authorities to take immediately the necessary measures to continue pursuing outlaws and to investigate those who caused the security disarray and those who undertook acts of theft, looting and setting fires and terrorising citizens.
"This is my pledge to the people during the last remaining months of my current term: I ask God to help me to honour this pledge to complete my vocation to Egypt and its people in what satisfies God, the nation and its people”
BR: Disgusted and disillusioned, he retires from the world after the world has retired from him, and regrets that he ever attempted so thankless a task as the pursuit of the public good.
HM: "I say in all honesty and regardless of the current situation that I did not intend to nominate myself for a new presidential term. I have spent enough years of my life in the service of Egypt and its people.”
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A Weekend of Dreams
As usual I start todays post with the same old excuse that I have not kept to my resolution of posting something everyday. This particular post was prompted by three straight nights of weird dreams and encouragement from a very warm and nice human being I met a few days ago.
It started after Friday I had been back at the half way home for a two weeks and was trying to complete the project I had undertaken for my office. I ran into a problem and try as I might couldn't debug what should have been very easy for me. Anyway that evening I was taking about this to one of the staff members, whom I met first in May last year when I came back here to the half way house after my last relapse. ( To think we hated each others guts with a vengeance at that time and strangely now are very close friends ) She pointed out that I shouldn't pursue any work that day and get some rest. I remember telling her that I just intend to spend not more than an hour that night and have a crack at it the next day. My intentions were to finish by the weekend so that I could go to to Colombo and present my output to my office and get a feed back on my efforts on Monday. So around 9 PM I thought I will target 10.30 PM as bedtime and switched on my Notebook. I worked for some time on the net looking for an answer and tried various search algorithms and got so many examples for what I should do but nothing worked. After sometime ( I believed I was at it for an hour or so ) I had to visit the loo and when I came back and looked at the time it was 1.30 AM!!!. I was stunned... I had not only spent over four hours on the Internet, not found a solution and didn't even know what time it was! I realized the folly of what I had done. This was something my friend had warned me about in the evening, and this was not the first time she had made this observation about my obsessive nature and the third person who had done so in as many months. I changed my idea of visiting Colombo the next week, deciding instead in spending one more week at the half way home, seek some assistance to resolving my problem and do it the following week after resting for couple of days without thinking about the project at all.
My best buddy had repeatedly advised me about taking up Yoga and I thought I would do so that day and and managed to lay my hand on a DVD of a Hatha Yoga routine for a beginner. I asked my friend, who also did Yoga instructions at the halfway home, to join me so that we would practice together and she could give me her input as to see how this might help me relax. It went as planned but I couldn't quite complete the entire 45 minutes but resolved that I would do so as a regular routine of my day from then on.
I watched the news, cheering the Egyptians as I saw the dramatic turn of events in Cairo and turned in around 10 PM. I did fall asleep pretty fast but I don't for how long it was before I was seeing images of all my dead relatives. I can't quite remember the circumstances in which they were associated in my dream but when I was startled with one particular image of an aircraft crash, my brother in law died in one, I woke up. I looked at the time it was 5.30 AM, my usual wake up time. I had not thought of any of my dead relatives for quite some time and I was pondering why I suddenly had to dream about them now. I was a bit perturbed as it had been after quite sometime that I had such a vivid dream and with such clear images of these people. Even awake their memory is a haze unless I look at a photograph.
Anyway the next night I did go to bed around the same time and ended up with an even bizar dream. I was in the third story of an apartment with one of my old girl friends and she was frying an egg hopper ( A flour based Batter as the base ) on one burner of a cooker and frying another egg on the other both were sunny side up and I remember wondering why on earth she was frying two eggs this way at the same time. She looked very much her old self, pretty and sexy, not the person I had seen some time back when I thought and almost exclaimed in shock " Why on earth have you let this happen to you ? " but very much the attractive girl I had a short but memorable fling. I hear a voice from outside and lo behold its the Parents of another of my old flames. Somehow I understand that I am to bring down a set of keys and hand it over to them. One the Parents had died a long time ago but that fact didn't quite register. It turns out the only way down to the ground was a cement ladder attached to the wall with no handrails. For someone who doesn't venture six inches above the ground these days unless there is a hand rail and somebody to cling onto for dear life attempting this feat quite calmly even in the dream was pretty absurd and I was going down not facing the wall but seeing my feet below and looking at the ground making out the minescular figures a great distance away somehow in fine detail bravely cursing the Architect and the Mason for this absurdity in construction. I find myself on tera firma and in comes the next actor, and old Man Servant of mine. I had fired him long years ago, he is dead now, who takes the keys to park a vehicle, which I didn't notice in the scenery thus far and drives it into a garage. Incidentally this guy never had been behind a wheel of car and I didn't even own a vehicle when he was in my employment!
I am then up in a flash outside the third floor which mysteriously now has a grill shouting at my ex to let me in and a pussy cat in my hand. My ex is listening to some loud music singing and dancing her cares away. ( She wasn't good at either then and hadn't improved in my dream ) I am screaming my lungs out through the grill but there is no sound from my throat. I am suddenly in the apartment and my ex has vanished with the cat and a Resident of the half way House is eating a Mango from fruit basket that has appeared on a table that was not there before. This enrages me as I find a knife and plunge it repeatedly with such venom at this guy, ( and mind you I like this guy and he is one of the more sedate people in this mad house and I am genuinely fond of him ), and wake up gasping for breath sweating like hell. When I put on the light it's 5.45 AM. My covering sheet and the blanket on it are the ground, it was cold that night, and the mattress had moved away from the wall! To say I was disturbed is putting it very mildly. Anyway my mood improved as the day progressed. When I recounted this to my friend later it prompted a wry comment that this is why she keeps her distance from me when she sees my hands stretch out in her direction especially towards her neck voicing her concern about my intentions of doing her bodily harm no doubt. I don't quite blame her for feeling these sentiments considering the way I bully her regularly !
The day was uneventful otherwise. I was waiting for the information I wanted to help me with my project and pretty much lazed around all day. My trip to Singapore had been confirmed and I was looking forward to the visit of my Sister and Mother from Canada on the 6th of the month. I had company in the night, some music transfers had to done, and ready after checking in on Egypt to hit the sack. This was the third day of Yoga though I could't see any noticeable improvement I did begin to understand some of the reasons behind the Asanas or poses. I was happy that I was keeping to the schedule. I had also spoken to my Mother and was in a good mood. I had enjoyed the Company I had, it had been fun. I tuned on to my favorite Radio Station and drifted away to Brad Paisley crooning away in 5.1 surround sound in the distance. It must have been
around 10 PM ?
The feeling was out of this world and the sensations so real. I was getting a blow job of my life. I knew the person vaguely but had never thought of her in any physical sense let alone giving me head. As recorded in my book I am finely in tune with my body and it gets turned on every where, and I mean head to toe, when I am aroused especially with an accomplished partner. My orgasms are total body experiences and never restricted to my dick alone. In the few occasions I have had wet dreams it has been hard to distinguish between the reality and the dream till the actual ejaculational when semen streaming down your thighs wake you up. This was heaven !!!. The scene shifts abruptly and I curse as I find my self at the Sri Lankan Independence square which has been replicated with a deep square well in between the structures. The square has four lions at each corner and at the replicated one, on the main platform stands one of the Residents holding a mannequin getting ready to throw it down to the well between the structures. The mannequin is about five feet in length and looks heavy and this Resident is a four feet no inch Midget. I am also very fond of her as she of me, when she is in a good mood that is. She is extremely powerful and I can say that with authority as once in an display of affection she practically extracted my arms out of their sockets when she embraced me and pulled at my hands. The pain was so intense I thought I would pass out! So her brandishing a mannequin bigger than her and waving it around effortlessly didn't surprise me even in the dream. I wake up cursing the Dream Dispenser for changing the scenery in what would culminated beautifully for me with this rather insipid drama that was going on. It has been more than a month since I have had sex and I have been yearning to get back to one particular person who's absence has been occupying my mind and a wet dream would have been the best substitute for the real mcoy rather than the image of a gargoyle waving a mannequin however amusing in retrospect that might be. It was 4 AM and pretty early even by my standards. Cursing I grumble calming my throbbing dick and try to grab some sleep.
It seems like the intermission. I am sitting at a table on the platform of the square with the Captain of the Sri Lankan Cricket team being quizzed about the progress of my project while being served sandwiches by another Resident who had made same thing for a Residents birthday party a few days back, the colors of the sandwiches I was chomping are is the same as that day , Pink and Green, I look down and my favorite Midget is standing on the head of one of the Lions waving a fan similar to what Royalty used to keep their head cool in the days when we were ruled by Kings. ( I tried to find the English term for this apparatus in a search of the Internet and I couldn't. I did find the Sinhala word from the Staff here, it's " Chamara " but failed in finding the English translation for it. ) The mannequin had been dashed to the the ground smashed with blood all over the place especially around it's head !
I wonder what the fuck I am going to dream today ! Any dream interpreters out there I could use your help.
It started after Friday I had been back at the half way home for a two weeks and was trying to complete the project I had undertaken for my office. I ran into a problem and try as I might couldn't debug what should have been very easy for me. Anyway that evening I was taking about this to one of the staff members, whom I met first in May last year when I came back here to the half way house after my last relapse. ( To think we hated each others guts with a vengeance at that time and strangely now are very close friends ) She pointed out that I shouldn't pursue any work that day and get some rest. I remember telling her that I just intend to spend not more than an hour that night and have a crack at it the next day. My intentions were to finish by the weekend so that I could go to to Colombo and present my output to my office and get a feed back on my efforts on Monday. So around 9 PM I thought I will target 10.30 PM as bedtime and switched on my Notebook. I worked for some time on the net looking for an answer and tried various search algorithms and got so many examples for what I should do but nothing worked. After sometime ( I believed I was at it for an hour or so ) I had to visit the loo and when I came back and looked at the time it was 1.30 AM!!!. I was stunned... I had not only spent over four hours on the Internet, not found a solution and didn't even know what time it was! I realized the folly of what I had done. This was something my friend had warned me about in the evening, and this was not the first time she had made this observation about my obsessive nature and the third person who had done so in as many months. I changed my idea of visiting Colombo the next week, deciding instead in spending one more week at the half way home, seek some assistance to resolving my problem and do it the following week after resting for couple of days without thinking about the project at all.
My best buddy had repeatedly advised me about taking up Yoga and I thought I would do so that day and and managed to lay my hand on a DVD of a Hatha Yoga routine for a beginner. I asked my friend, who also did Yoga instructions at the halfway home, to join me so that we would practice together and she could give me her input as to see how this might help me relax. It went as planned but I couldn't quite complete the entire 45 minutes but resolved that I would do so as a regular routine of my day from then on.
I watched the news, cheering the Egyptians as I saw the dramatic turn of events in Cairo and turned in around 10 PM. I did fall asleep pretty fast but I don't for how long it was before I was seeing images of all my dead relatives. I can't quite remember the circumstances in which they were associated in my dream but when I was startled with one particular image of an aircraft crash, my brother in law died in one, I woke up. I looked at the time it was 5.30 AM, my usual wake up time. I had not thought of any of my dead relatives for quite some time and I was pondering why I suddenly had to dream about them now. I was a bit perturbed as it had been after quite sometime that I had such a vivid dream and with such clear images of these people. Even awake their memory is a haze unless I look at a photograph.
Anyway the next night I did go to bed around the same time and ended up with an even bizar dream. I was in the third story of an apartment with one of my old girl friends and she was frying an egg hopper ( A flour based Batter as the base ) on one burner of a cooker and frying another egg on the other both were sunny side up and I remember wondering why on earth she was frying two eggs this way at the same time. She looked very much her old self, pretty and sexy, not the person I had seen some time back when I thought and almost exclaimed in shock " Why on earth have you let this happen to you ? " but very much the attractive girl I had a short but memorable fling. I hear a voice from outside and lo behold its the Parents of another of my old flames. Somehow I understand that I am to bring down a set of keys and hand it over to them. One the Parents had died a long time ago but that fact didn't quite register. It turns out the only way down to the ground was a cement ladder attached to the wall with no handrails. For someone who doesn't venture six inches above the ground these days unless there is a hand rail and somebody to cling onto for dear life attempting this feat quite calmly even in the dream was pretty absurd and I was going down not facing the wall but seeing my feet below and looking at the ground making out the minescular figures a great distance away somehow in fine detail bravely cursing the Architect and the Mason for this absurdity in construction. I find myself on tera firma and in comes the next actor, and old Man Servant of mine. I had fired him long years ago, he is dead now, who takes the keys to park a vehicle, which I didn't notice in the scenery thus far and drives it into a garage. Incidentally this guy never had been behind a wheel of car and I didn't even own a vehicle when he was in my employment!
I am then up in a flash outside the third floor which mysteriously now has a grill shouting at my ex to let me in and a pussy cat in my hand. My ex is listening to some loud music singing and dancing her cares away. ( She wasn't good at either then and hadn't improved in my dream ) I am screaming my lungs out through the grill but there is no sound from my throat. I am suddenly in the apartment and my ex has vanished with the cat and a Resident of the half way House is eating a Mango from fruit basket that has appeared on a table that was not there before. This enrages me as I find a knife and plunge it repeatedly with such venom at this guy, ( and mind you I like this guy and he is one of the more sedate people in this mad house and I am genuinely fond of him ), and wake up gasping for breath sweating like hell. When I put on the light it's 5.45 AM. My covering sheet and the blanket on it are the ground, it was cold that night, and the mattress had moved away from the wall! To say I was disturbed is putting it very mildly. Anyway my mood improved as the day progressed. When I recounted this to my friend later it prompted a wry comment that this is why she keeps her distance from me when she sees my hands stretch out in her direction especially towards her neck voicing her concern about my intentions of doing her bodily harm no doubt. I don't quite blame her for feeling these sentiments considering the way I bully her regularly !
The day was uneventful otherwise. I was waiting for the information I wanted to help me with my project and pretty much lazed around all day. My trip to Singapore had been confirmed and I was looking forward to the visit of my Sister and Mother from Canada on the 6th of the month. I had company in the night, some music transfers had to done, and ready after checking in on Egypt to hit the sack. This was the third day of Yoga though I could't see any noticeable improvement I did begin to understand some of the reasons behind the Asanas or poses. I was happy that I was keeping to the schedule. I had also spoken to my Mother and was in a good mood. I had enjoyed the Company I had, it had been fun. I tuned on to my favorite Radio Station and drifted away to Brad Paisley crooning away in 5.1 surround sound in the distance. It must have been
around 10 PM ?
The feeling was out of this world and the sensations so real. I was getting a blow job of my life. I knew the person vaguely but had never thought of her in any physical sense let alone giving me head. As recorded in my book I am finely in tune with my body and it gets turned on every where, and I mean head to toe, when I am aroused especially with an accomplished partner. My orgasms are total body experiences and never restricted to my dick alone. In the few occasions I have had wet dreams it has been hard to distinguish between the reality and the dream till the actual ejaculational when semen streaming down your thighs wake you up. This was heaven !!!. The scene shifts abruptly and I curse as I find my self at the Sri Lankan Independence square which has been replicated with a deep square well in between the structures. The square has four lions at each corner and at the replicated one, on the main platform stands one of the Residents holding a mannequin getting ready to throw it down to the well between the structures. The mannequin is about five feet in length and looks heavy and this Resident is a four feet no inch Midget. I am also very fond of her as she of me, when she is in a good mood that is. She is extremely powerful and I can say that with authority as once in an display of affection she practically extracted my arms out of their sockets when she embraced me and pulled at my hands. The pain was so intense I thought I would pass out! So her brandishing a mannequin bigger than her and waving it around effortlessly didn't surprise me even in the dream. I wake up cursing the Dream Dispenser for changing the scenery in what would culminated beautifully for me with this rather insipid drama that was going on. It has been more than a month since I have had sex and I have been yearning to get back to one particular person who's absence has been occupying my mind and a wet dream would have been the best substitute for the real mcoy rather than the image of a gargoyle waving a mannequin however amusing in retrospect that might be. It was 4 AM and pretty early even by my standards. Cursing I grumble calming my throbbing dick and try to grab some sleep.
It seems like the intermission. I am sitting at a table on the platform of the square with the Captain of the Sri Lankan Cricket team being quizzed about the progress of my project while being served sandwiches by another Resident who had made same thing for a Residents birthday party a few days back, the colors of the sandwiches I was chomping are is the same as that day , Pink and Green, I look down and my favorite Midget is standing on the head of one of the Lions waving a fan similar to what Royalty used to keep their head cool in the days when we were ruled by Kings. ( I tried to find the English term for this apparatus in a search of the Internet and I couldn't. I did find the Sinhala word from the Staff here, it's " Chamara " but failed in finding the English translation for it. ) The mannequin had been dashed to the the ground smashed with blood all over the place especially around it's head !
I wonder what the fuck I am going to dream today ! Any dream interpreters out there I could use your help.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The New Year Dawns
Made a resolution and I hope I can keep it! There is a lot I want to pen down today but I will do so at some point at a later date. But for the moment though for practical purposes I am alone I draw strength that I am facing the year with a lot of self confidence and feel good factors I haven't experienced in a long time. I intend to spend the day in some quiet reflection and take some notes down to expand and then finish this post on what I thought and felt on the first day of the 365 of 2011. Till that day then.
Friday, December 31, 2010
The End Of 2010
It's been a while since I have got down to posting on my blog. So much for my resolution to ensure that I would keep at it with consistency ! Anyway lets hope that my reinforced commitment to post regularly is maintained. So much has happened over the last year some good and some very sad but overall all things considered I think I have come a long way from the slide from the beginning of 2010, looking at things now that is.
Things really were down hill from January till I ended up in hospital again in May but that some how other shocked me into coming to terms with some hard realities about myself and the illusions I was living with. The most important thing and the same time saddest of these home truths was the realization that my marriage was on the rocks and it finally dawned on me that there was nothing in it for either me or my wife anymore. I did have an inkling of this as early as 2006 but I was naive to believe that the 16 odd years of time invested in this relationship would stand strong and weather the storm. How very wrong!
I think coming to terms with this gave me a better understanding of what I had to do if I was going to get back on my feet and try to get my life back to some semblance of normalcy. It also reinforced my determination that this was the last time I would ever be admitted to hospital again for alcohol abuse. I was in hospital on the 24th of December but it was to check out a bad attack of the flu.
I started working at my friends office to get reoriented in IT, decided on what I wanted to specialize in and experimented with some application development to see how much I still had retained from my training and experience in Software development. Conclusion - I need to get back to a class room and follow a formal training program. It's coming back very slowly but the learning curve will be faster and the discipline is needed once again. In other words reorient my whole style of thinking so that the ultimate objective of getting a job and to be able to perform consistently can be achieved.
Overall the last six months were the best in terms of progress with regard to my life in general. I have a sense of purpose at last, better in control of the mood swings and more adaptable to dealing with the headaches that are now a part and parcel of my life. My personal life could do with some improvement but in a physical sense it has been satisfying though emotionally I have yet to think in terms of even contemplating another relationship. It is slowly becoming a need so I guess I will start looking and seeking someone once again, only maybe now it will be with a lot of caution, I hope not too much so that I don't end up by loosing the sense of adventure and fun in such quests.
Things really were down hill from January till I ended up in hospital again in May but that some how other shocked me into coming to terms with some hard realities about myself and the illusions I was living with. The most important thing and the same time saddest of these home truths was the realization that my marriage was on the rocks and it finally dawned on me that there was nothing in it for either me or my wife anymore. I did have an inkling of this as early as 2006 but I was naive to believe that the 16 odd years of time invested in this relationship would stand strong and weather the storm. How very wrong!
I think coming to terms with this gave me a better understanding of what I had to do if I was going to get back on my feet and try to get my life back to some semblance of normalcy. It also reinforced my determination that this was the last time I would ever be admitted to hospital again for alcohol abuse. I was in hospital on the 24th of December but it was to check out a bad attack of the flu.
I started working at my friends office to get reoriented in IT, decided on what I wanted to specialize in and experimented with some application development to see how much I still had retained from my training and experience in Software development. Conclusion - I need to get back to a class room and follow a formal training program. It's coming back very slowly but the learning curve will be faster and the discipline is needed once again. In other words reorient my whole style of thinking so that the ultimate objective of getting a job and to be able to perform consistently can be achieved.
Overall the last six months were the best in terms of progress with regard to my life in general. I have a sense of purpose at last, better in control of the mood swings and more adaptable to dealing with the headaches that are now a part and parcel of my life. My personal life could do with some improvement but in a physical sense it has been satisfying though emotionally I have yet to think in terms of even contemplating another relationship. It is slowly becoming a need so I guess I will start looking and seeking someone once again, only maybe now it will be with a lot of caution, I hope not too much so that I don't end up by loosing the sense of adventure and fun in such quests.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Questions and Lady Luck
What makes you? Sounds silly? Really? Three questions and many answers. What do I mean ? Oh boy another question, where does it end ? You are right it never does. But one thing is sure it's easy to get lost in the process and give up as well. Why I am in this cranky mood is I have been trying to do a self-analysis of myself and reacting to those who have observed me over the last few months and trying to convince me, that I am a person of very different facets and function at many different levels trying to find an appropriate pattern to suite the occasion is a direct manifestation of my Bi Polar disorder. I deal with different situations differently depending on the circumstances, because that is probably the most comfortable method I know of but unfortunately this also ends up by creating a very confusing picture of my personality no doubt. The most common denominator and assumption is I use my personality exploitatively whereas I think it is a fundamental characteristic of mine to adopt to suite the environment so that I fit in but unfortunately compared to everybody else I end up standing out because of this adaptability.
Very confusing isn't it? Now I have fucking issues with questions! No I am serious I think I am not exploitative but more adaptive to the situation more than your average Joe who is around because I believe in one simple fact of life. All of us are born equal unfortunately circumstances play hell out of that equation and we end up where we are depending on them. Adaptability allows an advantage that very few schools and curricular teaches you in the broad sense of education. We are taught certain fundamentals and follow rigid criteria to evaluate success. The point we have missed is that first of all success in every endeavor while requiring a great deal of effort and hard work also needs a hell of a lot of luck. Being at the right place at the right time comes to mind but more importantly to know what to do at that time is something that all of us do not possess.
This ranting has distracted me from what I was trying to write about lady luck! Lady luck has a funny way of helping those who are willing to nudge her with some innovation and imaginative ploys. I remember a fine yarn that was spun to me as a kid by an elder to impress upon me the virtues of hard work and honesty and loyalty. A young boy was adopted by a wealthy family to serve in their estate. His job was to clean the kitchen after the Master and his entourage finished their dinner and wash up. He was paid in kind and was allowed to take the left overs to his family after finishing his work. The Master felt that a deed such as this would bring him good Karma as the traditional beliefs of that time went. After a few years the kind gentlemen gave the boy a piece of land and he became a farmer who paid his taxes like all peasants to the land owner, the kind gentlemen of course, and supposedly lived happily ever after. When I was an adult I checked on the practice of landowners and I realized that this was baloney. The suicide rate amongst farmers who couldn’t pay their loans and the mess that they got into trying to live of the land horrified me.
Further reading on the subject and a real story reported in my mother’s village goes thus. The arrangement the boy had with the “kind gentlemen” worked fine and dandy till the youngest daughter of the family was sent to school. Now she was sent to the best school in the area but was a dumb clut in every sense of the word. The only good thing that she learned a lot was while playing with the boy was in terms of the simple things the lad was used to such as ensuring that the free food he got was diligently given to his mother every day and he wouldn’t even take a morsel on the way home till it was served to the entire family etc., the values of sharing, kindness to animals, respecting nature, the simple things, that are so rare to find today. She used to show him her school books and the boy was quick to grasp and so started an unusual relationship to say the least. The boy learned fast and started teaching the girl! He was a natural and had the most important attribute in teaching, patience. The girl picked up and the school noticed that she was improving. Now the principal of the school was a smart cookie and he knew that the girl must be having some outside help to show such improvement! He decides to investigate and stumbled upon the fact that the boy was the reason. Now if the principal was decent he would have encouraged this and thought of recruiting the boy as a teacher. No! He told the father instead and the kind gentlemen promptly sacked the boy got the girl married off to some moron for a fat dowry and forgot about good karma!
Very confusing isn't it? Now I have fucking issues with questions! No I am serious I think I am not exploitative but more adaptive to the situation more than your average Joe who is around because I believe in one simple fact of life. All of us are born equal unfortunately circumstances play hell out of that equation and we end up where we are depending on them. Adaptability allows an advantage that very few schools and curricular teaches you in the broad sense of education. We are taught certain fundamentals and follow rigid criteria to evaluate success. The point we have missed is that first of all success in every endeavor while requiring a great deal of effort and hard work also needs a hell of a lot of luck. Being at the right place at the right time comes to mind but more importantly to know what to do at that time is something that all of us do not possess.
This ranting has distracted me from what I was trying to write about lady luck! Lady luck has a funny way of helping those who are willing to nudge her with some innovation and imaginative ploys. I remember a fine yarn that was spun to me as a kid by an elder to impress upon me the virtues of hard work and honesty and loyalty. A young boy was adopted by a wealthy family to serve in their estate. His job was to clean the kitchen after the Master and his entourage finished their dinner and wash up. He was paid in kind and was allowed to take the left overs to his family after finishing his work. The Master felt that a deed such as this would bring him good Karma as the traditional beliefs of that time went. After a few years the kind gentlemen gave the boy a piece of land and he became a farmer who paid his taxes like all peasants to the land owner, the kind gentlemen of course, and supposedly lived happily ever after. When I was an adult I checked on the practice of landowners and I realized that this was baloney. The suicide rate amongst farmers who couldn’t pay their loans and the mess that they got into trying to live of the land horrified me.
Further reading on the subject and a real story reported in my mother’s village goes thus. The arrangement the boy had with the “kind gentlemen” worked fine and dandy till the youngest daughter of the family was sent to school. Now she was sent to the best school in the area but was a dumb clut in every sense of the word. The only good thing that she learned a lot was while playing with the boy was in terms of the simple things the lad was used to such as ensuring that the free food he got was diligently given to his mother every day and he wouldn’t even take a morsel on the way home till it was served to the entire family etc., the values of sharing, kindness to animals, respecting nature, the simple things, that are so rare to find today. She used to show him her school books and the boy was quick to grasp and so started an unusual relationship to say the least. The boy learned fast and started teaching the girl! He was a natural and had the most important attribute in teaching, patience. The girl picked up and the school noticed that she was improving. Now the principal of the school was a smart cookie and he knew that the girl must be having some outside help to show such improvement! He decides to investigate and stumbled upon the fact that the boy was the reason. Now if the principal was decent he would have encouraged this and thought of recruiting the boy as a teacher. No! He told the father instead and the kind gentlemen promptly sacked the boy got the girl married off to some moron for a fat dowry and forgot about good karma!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
An overview of events of the last few days
I was unable to post anything over the last few days as time just didn't permit it. Anyway I made up my mind that I was going to do it today and reflect on the things that have been happening over the last few days. I started exercises at last, I think it has been over a year and a half since I did any form of physical activity that could even be vaguely construed of exerting my muscles. It has been four days now since I stared and I find that I sleep better and feel a lot less restless in the night. I am of the view now that Bi Polar shouldn't be treated only with drugs. Sure you need the daily dose of Sodium Valporate to maintain the chemical balance of the brain but the other drugs which are meant to control your highs and lows should be only attempted after everything has failed. Stress relaxation techniques which I am slowly learning about are far more effective than drugs towards this end. I have noticed that when I am involved in work and things are not going according to schedule or I am getting frustrated, I tend to get anxious and high ( the Manic State ) and at the end of the day when I have not achieved what I had intend to do and this is generally what happens, I get into a dip ( the depression ). The problem most of the time is that things don't get done because the other events in the chain don't get accomplished as it should and the resulting frustration leaves you mad as hell. Since everybody knows that you are Bi Polar this becomes a convenient excuse to cover their short comings and when you decide to blow a fuse it is considered intolerant. I some times wonder how these a so called normal persons, supposedly sane would cope in the real world and what would be their excuses then if they had to deal with the crap I deal with every day.
The good news for me is that now I have a room mate. We both have common interests especially in music and have similar personalities, which are different enough to be complementary. Once I start working again Monday to Friday from the first of November, I would be looking forward to my weekends here.
I also have found that at the end of the day when I take the trouble to wish everybody good night and crack a joke I find that it lifts my spirits. That coupled with my exercises have now resulted in my feeling sleepy by 9.30 PM as opposed to 11 PM or 12 PM normally.
The good news for me is that now I have a room mate. We both have common interests especially in music and have similar personalities, which are different enough to be complementary. Once I start working again Monday to Friday from the first of November, I would be looking forward to my weekends here.
I also have found that at the end of the day when I take the trouble to wish everybody good night and crack a joke I find that it lifts my spirits. That coupled with my exercises have now resulted in my feeling sleepy by 9.30 PM as opposed to 11 PM or 12 PM normally.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Science and God
I returned to the half way home today to spend the weekend and to get ready to rehearse for the monthly event we have here. I am taking part in one of the acts which is a skit thats based on a conversation between a Scientist and God on creating the perfect world. I wont go into the story but mention that the guy who scripted it did an excellent job. I come in the last scene with a narration that goes thus:
So you see my friends, science may advance to the point of extraordinary achievements but the mystery of love and compassion and the feelings of the human heart can only come from a higher power that is both incomprehensible and unfathomable, and cannot be recreated by mortal hands,
To feel for another, to love one another, to care for each other and most of all to be just human, with all our flaws and mistakes, accepting and respecting each other for who we really are as simple human beings…. That is what makes our world beautiful…. That is what makes life truly worth living!!!
I added the following to conclude the narration:
" Now I am more of a Science person and God is my convenient refuge in times of uncertainty and insecurity, but even I was impressed with the eloquence and depth of what the Author wrote. The only thing that came to my mind was a statement attributed to Albert Einstein, "Science without Religion is Lame, Religion without Science is Blind" and another by somebody who was a family friend Abraham Kovoor, an absolute cynic and a practical one at that, in his book "On Looking Back" recounted that when one of his sisters asked him to take medicine for treating a cough while praying to Jesus to cure him, Kovoor replied, "if I do both at the same time I wont know which of the two helped remove the cough. So I will take the medicine now, and if there is no effect, I will try praying."
At the end of the day humans will advance to dizzy heights of achievement in every sphere that we endeavour to conquor but sadly in the process I doubt we will ever learn the damage we inflict on ourselves or that we may loose out on the values that distinguished us as humane in the first place. "
So you see my friends, science may advance to the point of extraordinary achievements but the mystery of love and compassion and the feelings of the human heart can only come from a higher power that is both incomprehensible and unfathomable, and cannot be recreated by mortal hands,
To feel for another, to love one another, to care for each other and most of all to be just human, with all our flaws and mistakes, accepting and respecting each other for who we really are as simple human beings…. That is what makes our world beautiful…. That is what makes life truly worth living!!!
I added the following to conclude the narration:
" Now I am more of a Science person and God is my convenient refuge in times of uncertainty and insecurity, but even I was impressed with the eloquence and depth of what the Author wrote. The only thing that came to my mind was a statement attributed to Albert Einstein, "Science without Religion is Lame, Religion without Science is Blind" and another by somebody who was a family friend Abraham Kovoor, an absolute cynic and a practical one at that, in his book "On Looking Back" recounted that when one of his sisters asked him to take medicine for treating a cough while praying to Jesus to cure him, Kovoor replied, "if I do both at the same time I wont know which of the two helped remove the cough. So I will take the medicine now, and if there is no effect, I will try praying."
At the end of the day humans will advance to dizzy heights of achievement in every sphere that we endeavour to conquor but sadly in the process I doubt we will ever learn the damage we inflict on ourselves or that we may loose out on the values that distinguished us as humane in the first place. "
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Another attempt.
As you will notice it's been more than a year and some how other my blog seems to be bogged or to use a more appropriate word blogged down! Till today that is. I logged on to my system this morning and started of with a solomn promise that I will at least spend an hour every day writing my daily post I edited my profile adding a few more details about myself. The primary purpose of this blog will be to document the rather idiotic and sometimes insane thoughts that occupy my mind on occasion. I changed the tittle today, edited my profile and will spend some time during the day to jazz up the site. The reasons for all this apart from creating a web presence, something I have been wanting to do for quite some time now, is I find maintaining daily diary on a Blog very convenient as I spend a good part of a day hooked on to the Net. My Psychologist wants this information to try and comprehend and psycho-analyse my thoughts using Carl Jung's methods of interpretation. I wish her luck as I haven't been able to figure a damn as to why or what causes this. All I do know is they do and I enjoy recollecting them to those around me at the half way home I spend my weekends helping out with the Administrators with all things computers. I don't think they all necessarily want to listen but hey it helps me and they wouldn't dare tell me to shut up! Anyway I spend a good deal of time listening to their crap, so it works both ways eh ? I also harbour the hope that if by any chance somebody out there in the Wild West of Cyberspace does come across my Blog and does comment I might learn something or vice-versa.
I must mention Dave Kristula whom I heard about when I came across his site surfing the Net for a tutorial to learn how to set up and go about developing my own web page. Those of you who need a resource and learn some good foundation in HTML with some useful tips should visit Dave's Page, he has done an excellent job. Thanks Dave. I will spend the next couple of days redesigning the layout of my blog and hopefully in the not so distant future be able to look back and say I did it at last.
Last but not least my sudden rejuvenation on matters concerning my web presence was the fact that I did manage to get a free webhost provider find them here and a free domain name their here. So since I had a domain name and two bogs with the Name Ajith Aiyar, it kinda made sense to do something productive with them. As I all ways maintained it's better late than never and what the heck, now is as good as it's ever going to be... I will use each of them for specific themes once I get a fix on where I am heading in Cyberspace. I know I am a good story teller and I have been told that a good yarn should make good reading. Lets see what happens!
I must mention Dave Kristula whom I heard about when I came across his site surfing the Net for a tutorial to learn how to set up and go about developing my own web page. Those of you who need a resource and learn some good foundation in HTML with some useful tips should visit Dave's Page, he has done an excellent job. Thanks Dave. I will spend the next couple of days redesigning the layout of my blog and hopefully in the not so distant future be able to look back and say I did it at last.
Last but not least my sudden rejuvenation on matters concerning my web presence was the fact that I did manage to get a free webhost provider find them here and a free domain name their here. So since I had a domain name and two bogs with the Name Ajith Aiyar, it kinda made sense to do something productive with them. As I all ways maintained it's better late than never and what the heck, now is as good as it's ever going to be... I will use each of them for specific themes once I get a fix on where I am heading in Cyberspace. I know I am a good story teller and I have been told that a good yarn should make good reading. Lets see what happens!
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