Saturday, January 1, 2011
The New Year Dawns
Made a resolution and I hope I can keep it! There is a lot I want to pen down today but I will do so at some point at a later date. But for the moment though for practical purposes I am alone I draw strength that I am facing the year with a lot of self confidence and feel good factors I haven't experienced in a long time. I intend to spend the day in some quiet reflection and take some notes down to expand and then finish this post on what I thought and felt on the first day of the 365 of 2011. Till that day then.
Friday, December 31, 2010
The End Of 2010
It's been a while since I have got down to posting on my blog. So much for my resolution to ensure that I would keep at it with consistency ! Anyway lets hope that my reinforced commitment to post regularly is maintained. So much has happened over the last year some good and some very sad but overall all things considered I think I have come a long way from the slide from the beginning of 2010, looking at things now that is.
Things really were down hill from January till I ended up in hospital again in May but that some how other shocked me into coming to terms with some hard realities about myself and the illusions I was living with. The most important thing and the same time saddest of these home truths was the realization that my marriage was on the rocks and it finally dawned on me that there was nothing in it for either me or my wife anymore. I did have an inkling of this as early as 2006 but I was naive to believe that the 16 odd years of time invested in this relationship would stand strong and weather the storm. How very wrong!
I think coming to terms with this gave me a better understanding of what I had to do if I was going to get back on my feet and try to get my life back to some semblance of normalcy. It also reinforced my determination that this was the last time I would ever be admitted to hospital again for alcohol abuse. I was in hospital on the 24th of December but it was to check out a bad attack of the flu.
I started working at my friends office to get reoriented in IT, decided on what I wanted to specialize in and experimented with some application development to see how much I still had retained from my training and experience in Software development. Conclusion - I need to get back to a class room and follow a formal training program. It's coming back very slowly but the learning curve will be faster and the discipline is needed once again. In other words reorient my whole style of thinking so that the ultimate objective of getting a job and to be able to perform consistently can be achieved.
Overall the last six months were the best in terms of progress with regard to my life in general. I have a sense of purpose at last, better in control of the mood swings and more adaptable to dealing with the headaches that are now a part and parcel of my life. My personal life could do with some improvement but in a physical sense it has been satisfying though emotionally I have yet to think in terms of even contemplating another relationship. It is slowly becoming a need so I guess I will start looking and seeking someone once again, only maybe now it will be with a lot of caution, I hope not too much so that I don't end up by loosing the sense of adventure and fun in such quests.
Things really were down hill from January till I ended up in hospital again in May but that some how other shocked me into coming to terms with some hard realities about myself and the illusions I was living with. The most important thing and the same time saddest of these home truths was the realization that my marriage was on the rocks and it finally dawned on me that there was nothing in it for either me or my wife anymore. I did have an inkling of this as early as 2006 but I was naive to believe that the 16 odd years of time invested in this relationship would stand strong and weather the storm. How very wrong!
I think coming to terms with this gave me a better understanding of what I had to do if I was going to get back on my feet and try to get my life back to some semblance of normalcy. It also reinforced my determination that this was the last time I would ever be admitted to hospital again for alcohol abuse. I was in hospital on the 24th of December but it was to check out a bad attack of the flu.
I started working at my friends office to get reoriented in IT, decided on what I wanted to specialize in and experimented with some application development to see how much I still had retained from my training and experience in Software development. Conclusion - I need to get back to a class room and follow a formal training program. It's coming back very slowly but the learning curve will be faster and the discipline is needed once again. In other words reorient my whole style of thinking so that the ultimate objective of getting a job and to be able to perform consistently can be achieved.
Overall the last six months were the best in terms of progress with regard to my life in general. I have a sense of purpose at last, better in control of the mood swings and more adaptable to dealing with the headaches that are now a part and parcel of my life. My personal life could do with some improvement but in a physical sense it has been satisfying though emotionally I have yet to think in terms of even contemplating another relationship. It is slowly becoming a need so I guess I will start looking and seeking someone once again, only maybe now it will be with a lot of caution, I hope not too much so that I don't end up by loosing the sense of adventure and fun in such quests.
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