THE DOG HOSTEL.

I have been busy trying to complete my first book which is why I have not been posting for some time now. I thought I should start again and hence this post.

Some time ago a rather anxious only Daughter of mine, (at least I hope so) calls me and requests me if I could come and be of assistance to her in helping out with a predicament she was facing to ensure that the latest guest who were to patronize here prestigious Dog Hotel, Havens, were checked in and properly taken care of. Her regular helper had taken a leave of absence and she had to go to work. These two Ridgeback Puppies two months of age had been referred to her establishment by a prominent animal rights activist in Sri Lanka. Like I mentioned it is a prestigious Dog Hostel.

Since of late the half way home has deteriorated to pathetic levels in terms of taking care of its Residents and as I also needed a change in environment to detune from a hectic one and a half month schedule and completion of an exam, I readily agreed and proceeded to depart to her Residence in the morning. I have visited and lived here on several occasions in the last two years but somehow other whenever I come here I invariably get lost. But I did after a circuitous route land there at ten thirty in the morning.

My Daughter instructed me as to what I should do and I was not particularly concerned about my responsibility of ensuring that the Owners would depart after leaving their precious pets in my care. There is one other elderly help who is referred to as Uncle and I was pretty confident this would be an absolutely no hassle check in. I was told by the Proprietor, my daughter that is, with absolute confidence that three of the five assorted canines that are permanent domiciles of this establishment have to be taken to their respective kennels and the other two can be used to assist in acclimatizing the new guests and this is the proven formula in her experience. So I was ready and awaiting the call that would herald the arrival of the guests.

The Residence of the Haven has three kennels in the garden but generally pups are in the main premises. The main hall is bordered at its perimeter where one enters, by a strip of garden which suddenly drops down about ten feet in a slope but this is not obvious as such at a casual glance.

I suddenly saw a gentleman along the strip enquiring as to whether he could bring the pups in. I was surprised at the arrival, as I was supposed to get a telephone call informing of the time of arrival, but thought what the hell and greeted him with a smile and invited him to bring his pups in. Accompanied by his wife and daughter the two cute pups were delivered and deposited at the open entrance when all hell broke loose. The so called acclimatization Canine a Dalmatian, who incidentally I think is a fake, (I believe a forger had used a permanent black ink marker to spot the fellow) charges out barking and one of the pups howls in fright and slips down the slope. I froze and I swear I thought the Owner would probably strangle me. But Dutch courage took over and screaming for Uncle, who at that point in time had decided that his hearing deficiency had manifested, pushed the rather exuberant fake Dalmatian back inside, shut the gate and looked at a peering pup whose instincts had taken over and was clambering back to terra firma. I breathed a sigh of relief when Uncle appeared. I immediately berated him as to why he had violated check in procedure and asked him to pick up the pups and do the job as it was meant to be done. Very confidently now I assured the Owner that there was nothing to worry locked up the Dalmatian while the pups were taken inside. I invited the Owners to sit as I did the same before my legs gave way.

The rest of the day went as planned and the next morning the pups had settled down and getting along very well. The Proprietor, my Daughter, loved the new guests and the day went on very well accept the buggers didn’t allow me to sleep the whole night and I was a bloody zombie during the whole day. But it helped me to distract my mind from a myriad of other issues that have cropped up over the last three days and definitely better than being in the hell hole the half way home had become now.

In the evening my Daughter had invited three of her school mates who love dogs to visit and see the guest. They arrived and I watched three genuine animal lovers shower their affections on the pups and the same time ensuring that the other dogs got equal attention. In between conversations and the taking of photographs and the other interesting topics that were discussed there was consistency in a very comforting dimension to me. Some of the anecdotes of their own Dogs and the circumstances that lead to ownership were enthralling to say the least.

My mind drifted to my childhood when the death of an animal invoked reaction and stray dogs being sheltered was a way of life. I still remember driving one of my Mothers dogs tipsy (The name was due to her addiction to beer) to a vet in the middle of the night after getting a curfew pass in the height of the Emergency of 1971. The cops thought my Mother was off her bloody tree! These days a dead human found on the street will probably be stripped off any valuables and nobody would care two hoots.

What struck me was how my country has changed so much now. People don’t have time to worry about others let alone animals unless you belong to a rare few to whom social issues and the situation of the country concerns them deeply. It is still not too late to start inculcating values at least in the young. They can be changed to think differently as opposed to most of the present generation who are only obsessed with nothing but themselves. Time tested values should be a part and parcel of the process of growing up and harnessed positively I hope I may live to see the Sri Lanka I was born in and loved so much once again!

THE OTHER SIDE OF MY VILLAGE.

I have over the last few weeks been an observer of individuals of my village hence this delay in posting. As in any socially intertwined relationships, there is also a very disturbing aspect of the people I have got to know and grown very fond of over the past few months.

Their sincerity and candor when they talk to me is something that has affected me deeply. They do not hide their problems, very quick to admit their mistakes and acknowledge their inability to deal with some of the issues they face on a daily basis.

Alcoholism is an accepted norm of life by spouses and drug addiction of children by Parents. The generation gap is very evident as more and more of the youngsters find themselves confused as to what should be a role model to follow. They do not have the prerequisites to aspire for a better future! The Parents do not know what they should do either!

Every known problem exists here and sadly, the religious institutes are too busy sermonizing and so involved in getting their coffers filled! Their only preoccupation? Make sure that they enjoy all the known creature comforts necessary to communicate with God! Who cares as to what the flock goes through to make ends meet! The system that is supposed to take care of the problems has other headaches! They are busy protecting the powerful and penalizing the poor who are finally the victims of a social system that has gone completely out of sync with its people!

I have spent a good part of the last six months mingling with every known social stratum in my village. They are hardworking, very conscious of the importance of education and try to find every avenue to ensure that their offspring’s get a better opportunity than they did. The schools teach rubbish or are closed half the time; the teachers are incompetent at best and use a curricular that is irrelevant to the present context of society and hardly relevant to the twenty first century! I found this out when I started spoken English classes for my landlord’s grandchildren. Of course, there are a handful of Parents who can afford private tuition, the majority cant.

Soon I will have to leave the village and I know it is going to be heart breaking for me! My desire to start using my talent and experience and getting back to the IT industry is something that I need to do and it will be difficult to pursue that line of interest here. The infrastructure is expensive to set up and I will have to get closer to Colombo so that travelling to work will not be a hassle. But I have also got a couple of tricks up my sleeve and one of them just might work allowing me to enjoy both the village and pursuing my career that I was trained for!

EXISTENTIALISM

Existentialism is defined as a philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experiences in a hostile or in a different universe. There is also a different perceptive; human existence is unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts. I believe in that very vehemently!!!

I look at a world and I am terrified!!! I am not worried about myself but I wonder if the so called leaders have a clue as to what they should do before another calamity happens. Everybody seems to forget that there is a younger generation that will inherit our legacy and we have to make sure they get a heritage that can be carried forward to the next generation.

Classified as an existentialist I wonder what I could do towards the young of my country???? There is very little I can do!!! But I made the first steps by adopting my Serendepity. She carries my surname very proudly when she identifies herself!!! That gives me so much of satisfaction.

Now to get back to the point; I carry all the characteristics of what Hans Ensyke’s personality theory defines. I am an Extrovert, an Introvert, Neurotic and Stable. This is something that I didn’t know!! A personality analysis makes me a very complex person!!

There are days when I am extremely extrovert, then there are others when I am an introvert, then I get neurotic and when the situation demands I am stable!!!! I handle the most troublesome problem with poise, confidence and authority!!!

An example; whenever I go out on a journey I make sure my computer my sound system are all packed up in my bag and it is really ridiculous!! I do this even if I go on a short journey!! To unplug all my devices takes a good half hour and everything is meticulously packed!! The joke is when I come back home I can’t remember where which part of the various cables etc. are stored!!! It takes me another one hour to find them and another to connect everything so that I can check my mail or get on Skype!!! I am still trying to figure out the why of this behavior!!!

I believe now I am an eccentric person with odd ball behavior and what makes me happy is the realization that I can live with it!!! What makes it even more comfortable is that my village understands it and respects it!!! It’s been a very long time since I have had this feeling!!!!

THE FEAST

From July 2008 my life revolved around the half way home with respites with my Wife and my best buddy. As I have written elsewhere it was only on the 25th of June this year that I took the decision to live on my own and that too in a very humble abode.

I don’t have a bed, I sleep on a mattress, the room I have is small and I share my life with a sixty three year old man , my Landlord, who takes care of me better than anybody I have ever known for some time!!! He ensures that nothing apart from making me feel wanted and ensuring both my wellbeing and security are guaranteed.

We listen to music of his era, we talk politics, he gives me fried fish and when on occasion has one too many reminisces about the good old days of his child hood and the Woman he married when he was just twenty years old. She was also of the same age and they have been together for forty three years!!!

The village has a feast every year which is a tradition that I was able to witness and participate in for the first time even though I have been living in this area for a better part of the last four years. The preparation and the effort that this occasion demands are fascinating to say the least!!! The whole village contributes to raising a forty foot tall flag pole on which a cross is mounted. The process is something one must witness to understand the emotion. This in spite of the fact that half the population of the village aren’t even Christians!!!

The tradition of a flag pole was initiated by my Landlord and three others several years ago. He is the only surviving member of this pack and what was used was a tree trunk that was not even eight feet tall and wasn’t illuminated or decorated. A benefactor of the village then funded a flag pole made out of steel around nine years ago, and the tradition has been firmly engrained in the young to ensure it is continued every year.

The sections of the flag pole are brought to the playground and the young assemble it and the elders raise it when the designated day dawns and the feast commences. The Church which commemorates this occasion officially gets loudspeakers installed all around the village to sermonize every night and ensure the Pastor of the day gets his voice heard till ten PM and none of the priests ever visits to bless the Flagpole!!! That is done by an electrician who wires the system to illuminate the Cross!!! The Church is too busy demanding donations and can’t be bothered!!!

The sense of unity at this time is very obvious, sworn enemies forget grievances, children gather to play together and there is an air of joy that the young and old enjoy together. The climax is on the first Sunday after the flagpole is raised when each home in the village prepares sumptuous meals to be distributed and shared!!!

It is a fascinating social phenomenon that I have had the privilege of participating in. To me it was even more special as my Landlady stayed at my home and the sense of a family that I had become a part was so evident not only to me but to everybody who visited my home!!! My Mother is not in Sri Lanka My father passed way so many years ago and I have been drifting in my life for so long. I am very lucky to have experienced and be a part of the feast!!! It’s wonderful to belong to and live amongst them!!!!

THE RESIDENT AND I.

I have been living on my own for over two months now and with some occasional apprehensions done pretty well. There are the moments of insecurities especially when I think about the fact that I am not insured and in the event of sickness what would I do??? But overall touch wood (I mean my head) chugging along like an old steam locomotive!!!

The half way home has been trying to get me involved with doing work for them without the all important factor of making sure that I get paid!!! They keep calling me on some pretext or the other and I used to go there just to keep in touch with a couple of Residents whom I had established a close bond with to meet them. But it was obvious that their only motive was to get work done by me for free. So it was them trying and my dodging till my Serendipity gave me a sound piece of advice. “Just be unavailable and wait for them to realize your value!!!” I did just that!!! And out of blues I got a call asking me to come over and help out with a Resident who needed confidence boosting and propose a program for which I was to be paid!!!!

So I did just that. I went for an assessment of the Resident and found that he was an extremely nervous person and lacked the ability to believe that he could face society ever again. This was a challenge for me and I could empathize with him as I too went through a similar process for over three years before I met my Serendipity and as stated elsewhere in this blog was the reason why I made up my mind to chart out a life away from the home.

I have never been trained to teach the Mentally Ill or possess qualifications to do so!!! I only have my own aptitude of natural teaching skills since for me sharing knowledge is a pleasure and all my students I have had the privilege of teaching have shined both academically and professionally. The incredible high I get when I see the sparkle in the eyes of a student when they comprehend and understand what you’re talking about is unique. Also students if encouraged to question really keep you on your toes and that ensures that you do the necessary leg work to keep yourself well informed.

I prepared a program, stated my charges, found out about the medical situation about the Resident and insisted that I meet the Parents before I agreed to undertake the assignment. The parents were very happy and I went to the home today to commence the first of four classes to test if the Resident could comprehend and retain information to sit for an exam.

The Resident’s knowledge of the English Language is excellent so my purpose was just to test his comprehension. I was in for a shock!!!! That was not his problem!!! He had an insecurity about only one thing!!! If he would ever get out of the half way home and be able to lead a normal life!!!!

This revelation fucked me upside down!!! I had come to do something else and I had to now deal with a situation that I was not prepared for!!!!! I recovered fast and changed the whole trend. I started by asking him what he wanted to know about me. In between his questions I referred to the fact that I had been a Resident like him for over three years and its only just over two months that I have been living alone, assured him that he will be able to get out here and his Parents weren’t going to ditch him!!!

I got him to write what he faced on a daily basis and what he could do. I found out that he could use a computer and allowed him to surf the net on my Lap Top. The home wanted to get some letters typed (I was going to get paid for that) so I told him that I would meet him tomorrow and he would use my Laptop learn anything he needed on word processing and print the letters.

He was worried that what he had written in his note book would be disclosed. I took it and put in my bag and told him “only the two of us will know. We will share the fee for the work. Tomorrow I will inform your Parents that we are going to have ice cream and go to the beach!!” The look on his face said it all!!! I feel great!!!!

THE DANCE

I had just returned from my evening walk, had a bath and sitting in my porch, enjoying the breeze watching the evening Volley Ball game in the playground. These games are pretty serious, the village want to field a team for an inter village competition. The atmosphere can get quite tense especially if a player fucks up and the ball changes sides.

I noticed a woman standing near my fence and she was smiling at me. I couldn’t quite place her till I suddenly realized she was a Woman I meet during my walks. I have met her occasionally at the Grocery Store. I beckoned her to join me on the porch. She obliged and we started a conversation. She works at the Super market close by. I enjoyed the company. My Landlord had gone fishing and I was waiting for my daily dose of fried fish and what better way to spend time than talking with this Woman.

She was pretty, light tanned skin, a few extra pounds and very vivacious. I can’t recollect what we spoke about but the conversation was lively and it was a debate on the present political situation. She had been the Captain of her school debate team and was extremely well informed. It was fun and I enjoyed the conversation and as usual even though I agreed with her point of view chose a contradictory position.

My Landlord returned while this rather animated conversation was taking place. He had been very successful and had almost a Kilo of fish. I invited her to join me to taste my Landlords culinary talents and offered her coffee, she gladly accepted. My Landlord doesn’t know much about cooking in general but he does wonders with oil, salt and chili powder and what he dishes out is absolutely delicious. Not even his daughter can beat him at this.

She asked me if I would like to join her at a friend’s place that night as there was a party and she wanted a partner. I readily accepted. On enquiring as to what the dress code was she told me to wear whatever I liked as this was just a few close friends who met once in a way to enjoy themselves. I was elated it been sometime since I had gone for a party and was ready by nine when she came to escort me. It was a five minute walk from home.

It was a lovely place, very warm, cozy and I met people whom I have bumped into when I walk around my village and at last I was able to put names to faces. The music was really good. A mixture of English and Sinhala pop songs with an occasional Tamil song thrown in for good measure. I was wearing my trademark outfit of track suite pants, T-Shirt and running shoes.

She invited me to dance and I readily agreed. The last time I danced was when I was in India in December 2010. It has been some time since I have danced holding a woman so close. She was very nimble and was a natural. We didn’t talk much but just enjoyed the closeness and occasionally mixing it with lively movements when the music changed.

The DJ decided to play a new song that had made it in the local charts. This was the latest release of a band that made it big in Sri Lanka in 2009. I love this song; it is fast, furious, and the words are hilarious. It was described by a friend of mine in Sinhala as “Oluwak Nathi, Kakulak Nathi Madak Nathi Vikarayak habe hit ekkak” (No Head, No Tail, No middle madness and a hit) These guys as far as I know are the only band in my country that sing songs where a phrase in the lyrics have absolutely no connection with either the preceding or the one following!!!

I was in full flow and started my imitation of the Elvis Presley’s jig with his legs. I had added my own style which involved quite a lot leg movement with absolutely no connection to the way my arms moved. I had made an impression!!! My Partner was trying her darndest to keep up and finally gave up and watched my movements with amazement. Everybody was staring at me and I am sure they thought I was bonkers!!!

I am not quite sure how long I danced when suddenly my left leg cramped up!!!! The pain was unbearable!! I don’t know what I croaked but my partner was quickly by my side putting her arms under my shoulder. I was bending while she kept her grip on me. I was trying to remember what I learned during swimming classes when I was a kid to get rid of a cramp. I was trying to figure out which direction to turn my leg when I realized I was staring down my partners chest, she was braless and had one of the sexiest tits I had seen in quite a while. Protruding brown nipples, and absolutely firm. I had managed to turn my leg in the correct direction, and the pain had disappeared. But I had a more serious problem.

I was having a huge hard on and had not worn underwear!!!! If I stood up everybody would have noticed it!!! I feigned pain and crouching asked my partner to escort me outside. She had noticed my obvious predicament and very sweetly played along and took me outside the dance area. Of course I used the opportunity to feel her up; she didn’t mind.

Outside away from prying eyes we sat down and looked at each other. The look of amusement in her face was followed with a kiss and we just spent the rest of the evening holding hands and sharing time together. We are good friends now and whenever we see each other we smile remembering that day before we exchange pleasantries and end up debating some thing or the other. She accompanies me now with a couple of her friends when I go for my evening walk.

THE TOURIST AND I.

While I was walking on the beach last morning I bumped into to a Tourist and wished her good morning. She responded and I sensed she wouldn’t mind some company and we both ambled along in the same direction. I was on my mobile with my Seredipity and we were talking about a posting I had made in my Blog. When I finished my call I noticed that the tourist had been listening to my conversation. She introduced herself to me, I responded.

We exchanged formalities and started talking about this, that and the other. She wanted to know if I was a writer and I told her I do write but I still don’t consider myself one yet. She wanted to know about me and what I was doing in this part of the country, so I asked to visit my blog which is self-explanatory. She was curious and invited me for breakfast at her hotel. I accepted gladly.

We got our self a table for two and ordered baked beans, sausages and fried eggs, sunny side up, accompanied with fresh bread rolls and butter. It had been a while since I had a breakfast like this. The conversation was lively ranging from politics to polemics and we finally ended up by exchanging email addresses and agreed to keep in touch. She was leaving back to the United Kingdom that afternoon and she promised she would check my blog and as requested by me comment. We ordered coffee and indulged in idle conversation.

I could feel a funny feeling developing in me and I was squirming trying to figure out how I could make a dignified hasty exit when I farted one of those small prerrrps. These fuckers are in the frequency range that can be picked up by anybody a few yards away from you!!! They are very unpredictable and no one can guess when the next one is due. All I know is once they start they don’t stop. They are very difficult to conceal and I was trying to raise my voice to muffle them with very little success.

I knew she was aware that I was farting and I must give her credit for ignoring it and continuing with our conversation. The problem with this type of fart is that going to the toilet doesn’t solve anything. You don’t shit and they continue.

So I tried to predict them whenever I could and raise my voice a few decibels and it was embarrassing!! I was sure that the guests close to us were aware of this. This went on for about ten minutes and I was thinking to myself “To hell with this I am walking out", when there was this humongous trumpet like sound coming from my friend the tourist. There was pin drop silence all around us!!!!

Both of us looked at each other called for the bill, she signed it and we very casually held hands and walked out of the restaurant and set off to the beach accompanied by prerrrps all the way. We collapsed on the sand and burst out laughing as I told her I am posting this for sure. Her reply, “please do and you can bet your ass I will comment!!!!”

LIFE IN THE VILLAGE.

The one phrase you hear so regularly is “Huthe”, in English Cunt!!!
Everybody in my village uses this as an expression to indicate anger, sorrow, disgust or happiness!!! You brought me something; you are a cunt!!! Thank you!!! The vernacular of the Sinhala language is something that I find fascinating.

An example; my landlord’s grandchild has this habit of coming to my yard and squatting with his pants on to have his morning shit. Poor fellow has not been trained to do the same in the toilet!! And the amount of profanity between mother and son is something that I find entertaining and quite frankly very relaxing.

I find that this village has accepted me as one their own, I was so touched by the fact that the owner of the Grocery store brought his daughter after her baptism, unlike the Catholics they follow a Christian format, the difference confuses me, to offer me a feast of traditional goodies and worshiped me in the formal way of touching my feet!!!!

This practice is dismissed by many as bullshit that you don’t have do it, It is an act of reverence to somebody who is older and valued as a member of society. It was not done out of compulsion!! The Parents felt that my blessings would bring this six year old girl all she wanted in life and she would succeed in whatever she wanted to!!! I touched her head and said a prayer for her.

Anyway I was contemplating how come in a short time I have been recognized as one of their own??? I came here on the 25th of June and I have lived here for a few weeks. Anyway to get the point of what I was trying to say.

The Sinhala language is probably the best after Greek to express vulgarity and profanity effectively. Mother Fucker is so mild compared to Umbe Ammata Hukanawa keri Vesige Putha!!! I will fuck your mother you cum prostitute’s son. The interesting aspect I find so amusing is both sexes use it!!! This is one area that there is no gender bias and I was told today by shop owners on the main road that I live in the most dangerous part of the village.

I have not felt that it was, in fact it is the most secure place I have lived in. I feel a sense of protection around me. When I walk on the streets there is somebody who will amble along with me and gossip. Yes profanity is a common form of our language that we use in everyday conversations!!! You find the old and young using it with no hesitation. I do it!!!

I was wondering how come I felt that I belonged here? I asked my mother she told me that I was more at home with the thugs at Beramulle in Kotahena as opposed to the upper middle class residents of Alwis place. This really intrigued me!! I had missed something!!!

My natural instincts to probe were activated. I questioned my landlord and found about his ancestry. I followed that trend with a few of the older residents here. What I learned is so amazing!!! Every fucking person who lives in my part of the village has a lineage that can be traced to Kerala!!! My mother was from Kerala!!! No wonder I am accepted!!!! That is why I feel I have found my home!!!!

THE VILLAGE IN ACTION

I was involved in solving problem for one of my friends. His Internet connection was screwed. When I checked his lap top it had 227 viruses!!!! The process to get his machine working again was tedious, I finally finished at about two in the morning. I was at the hotel where the guy works, so I had all the food I wanted and star class treatment. I was VVIP!!! It’s been long time since I got this kind of attention. Where everybody caters only to you, fuck the tourist this is our “Mahathaya”, Our Sir!!!

I got up late which is very unusual for me as generally I get up when I hear the birds singing. I went to the grocery store, or Kadde as we call it in Sinhala, to get bread, ambled along the streets I love, went to the beach, enjoyed the breeze and came back home. I was supposed to arrange my room, but I postponed it!!!!

My thoughts were about my Serendipity, who is very unhappy these days and I am powerless to do anything about it!!! I wonder sometimes if my impulsive nature has harmed the one person who encouraged and stimulated me to write.

I was sitting at the dining table watching AL JAZEERA when I heard my landlord muttering to himself and walking in the garden, my curiosity was aroused and I asked him what the problem was and if I could help. His reply “No you can’t” This intrigued me, so I came to the porch of my home and there was a huge machine and a minivan on the road. The whole bloody village had surrounded it!!! The person in charge was a lady and these jokers had come to install a communication tower in our playground!!!!!

I believe that I am blessed to witness events that very few people have an opportunity to observe and this drama qualifies as one of the best I have seen!!! There was a surreal atmosphere as my landlord walked with a “Kathe”, a sword of some sort, and comes up with the phrase I am so used to now and hear so often “Umbe Ammata Hukanawa kari vesi, (I will fuck your mother you cum prostitute)

The lady whom my landlord accosted was visibly trembling and I could sense her fear when she mumbled that she was sorry, and practically gathered her Sari (in Sinhala the term used is redda ussela) and quickly got back in the minivan. There were two males in the Van and they didn’t even get out of it!!! The Driver just reversed and got lost. The playground is used by adults and kids and the people of my village stood collectively to stop the desecration of the ground!!

The pride and victory in the village was evident as they dispersed. I thought of the Middle East and what happened to Mubarak in Egypt. I sense a growing feeling of dissent and discontent in my village!!!! They have been lied to so many times and as the old saying goes you can fool the people some of the time etc; People when pushed to the limit will revolt and the consequences in the absence of genuine and trustworthy leadership is horrific!!!. I witnessed it in 1983!!!

I hope this Nation matures; we all have a social responsibility to make sure that we hold our leaders accountable and the people we elect are sincere!! They are supposed to be for the people and civil society has to initiate action to ensure this. Unfortunately those who have the influence to do so don’t!!!! For them protecting their interests and singing Hosanna to the King is what matters.

The village was calm , when a man looking very confident walks up and tells my landlord that he didn’t want to bring his sword and chop the lady into bits as he didn’t want to incite any violence!! My landlord looked at him and said, in Sinhala, “you Mother Fucking prick you don’t have a sword your fucking wife sold it when she didn’t have money to buy bread and if you come and try to claim credit for what we did, I will cut your balls off!!!”

THE LANDLORD’S DAUGHTER.

I was hoping to get my table today and put my room into some kind of order. But unfortunately the table wasn’t ready. So that was an excuse for me to do what I love doing; Procrastinate! In other words listen to music and do jack shit! I use the dining table as my work space now I have wired it to accommodate my electrical requirements. I have enough space to place all my equipment and a very comfortable chair plus the hall is very cool as there is a constant breeze when all the windows are opened. The endless stream of my landlord’s extended family have a habit of peeping from the door, I don’t care about it because they are young and curious, and they in turn don’t particularly care that I am in my underwear (when I mean underwear I am referring to Boxer shorts and nothing else) peering at my Computer completely absorbed in whatever I am doing. They wouldn’t dare come into the house. My landlord wrath is something they wouldn’t want to be subjected to!!!

I was browsing the net listening to Adkins and at the same time looking forward to my evening walk in the Mangroves to the Canal. My mind was preoccupied with the problems and heartaches I have caused my Serendipity of late. In my opinion we are so close and at the same time capable of hurting each other on trifles which in retrospect are so stupid. And we are supposed to be intelligent!!!! What a paradox!!!

The sounds when I am alone at home are so comforting, The noise of the vendors, the various conversations and asides that neighbors exchange on their way to and fro on the road, the occasional glance I am told which is cast towards my door way, this I was told by my Body guard, who takes his duties very seriously and a general noise level that is discernable in spite of the volume of my sound system.

I am jolted with a shriek that shatters the entire ambience with a voice that sounded vaguely familiar “Umbe Amatta Hukannawa Kari Vesige Putha!!!” The closest translation to English is “I will fuck your Mother you Cum prostitutes Son!!!” I rushed to the porch and see my landlord’s daughter chasing her four year old son on the playground opposite my home who is darting all around reminding me of Speedy Gonzales!!!! She is wearing a sarong which covers her body from breast to thighs, just had a bath; still wet I could see the contours of her body, very revealing and quite sexy chasing her son!!! I didn’t quite know whether I should admire this scenery, take a photograph or just laugh!!!!

I have known this Woman from 2008; she has always been a prim and proper absolutely classy lady. I always call her Madam and she is one of the many of my landlord’s off springs who ensures there is something extra every night at dinner. I watched this drama for some time before both Mother and Son got tired and retired hurt. Her parting shot before they both walked back to their home “I am going to tell you’re Father” This I had to see!!!!

The Father who drives a three wheeler came home late in the afternoon. The poor guy had a problem with a punctured tire and looked very tired when a shrill voice yelled at him “Me amata hukana Lamayek!!!”, “This is a mother fucking child!!!”. And the husbands Response;“Kuppiya Pawitche kerewe nathe Ai???”. “Why didn’t you use the condom???” The answer was classic “ Aye Yako umbe hithiwe hukanda witharai awila gahuwa kelimma kuppi thiya matta naanda dunne na. Echerata hadisiya!!!” The best translation I can conjure is “You devil all you thought was about a fuck, let alone the condom, you didn’t even let me have a bath you were in such a hurry!!!!”

I saw the Mother and the Son in the evening. He was vomiting and she was rubbing his chest gently and crooning words of affection to comfort him. I saw in this what my mother must have gone through when I was that age I believe and cried the whole night for no apparent reason. There is a saying in Tamil that Amma Passam or a Mother's compassion has no boundaries or limits! What came to my mind was the plight of the thousands of Mothers who have lost their children in conflicts all over the world and what they must be going through every day of their lives!

THE POTTY AND ME.

I did see the dawn of the day as I posted on the twenty fifth and went to sleep feeling so very content that yes I was free at last. I was listening to Yoga music and fell asleep. My apprehensions about living on my own again had disappeared and the sense confidence that I had been lacking for some time in my life restored.

Thinking about my life and what I went through and how I accepted challenges without fear and arrogance drifted through my mind while I was dozing off. Those thoughts have to be documented at another time. I don’t quite recollect how long I slept but I got up with an urgent need to go to the toilet.

I have a miner’s lamp in my possession which I wearily put on my head and very tentatively found my way to the bathroom. I don’t have a modern bathroom in my humble aboard it’s what is known as a squat system. I don’t mind that because I have been told by a very close friend of mine that squatting is the best way of getting rid of all the garbage we produce after we consume.

It was okay I did wash my ass with the water I had to carry into this toilet; it was a good motion and walked back to my room to continue with my disrupted sleep. It was not even a few minutes before the urge to go the toilet was apparent.

This time it was a loose motion!!!! I can’t remember how long I squatted because it was still dark and while I made my way back into the house (The toilet is in an outhouse) I was wondering why a loose motion!!! Anyway I thought I will try to sleep again. I was in for a surprise. My fucking system had decided to go overtime in the shit department!!!!!

I had two problems to deal with I was having a problem squatting, my knees were aching and my energy levels were getting depleted and I didn’t want to even call the half way home so that they would have the last word “You can’t live on your own, You shouldn’t have left!!!”

I woke up my Landlord and told him he had to help me and, this is why I respect him, In his words “Mahathayo mama me hema huthelage pukka hodala thiyanawa!!!!” Sir I washed all these cunts ass holes!!!!. For about three hours he escorted me to the toilet and baby sat me while I was basically shitting water!!!! He washed me escorted me back to my room and again went through the same process without a murmur or complaint.

By eight in the morning I thought my system would settle but it didn’t!!!!! I wasn’t shitting anything in the sense of the word, I was just passing water and boy was it frequent!!!!! I was practically living in the outhouse and my ass was burning!!!!!

Then came the real problem my landlord he had to leave me alone at home!!!!! One of his grandchildren was getting baptized!!!!! Like I said this man dotes on me and I will never forget how he touched my head and said shit where ever you want I will come and clean it up!!!!!!!

I had a problem with that this was my second day at my home and the rules of engagement as far as his grandchildren were concerned were not established!!! They have a habit of walking into the house whenever they feel like it and the last thing I wanted his grandchildren to see was me shitting in the hall and on top of which I was having a stomach cramp and the pain was unbearable. Fortunately I carry an assortment of drugs with me and I took a pain killer.

Suddenly I realized why I was having a loose motion. The half way home gives you a banana once a week after lunch. I had purchased a bunch of bananas the previous day ,about nine of them and I had been copiously eating them like a starving refugee!!! My whole fucking system was doing a cleaning act!!!! That comprehension helped to realize that I was not sick!!!! So I decided a cup of coffee was what I need and then the shit hit the fan!!!!!!

My Landlords eldest grandson was in my home and I needed to shit!!! I knew I wouldn’t be able to squat in the outhouse and I couldn’t possibly ask this twelve year old boy to wash my backside! I walked very carefully to the back of the house and for my bad luck the neighbor’s young daughter was picking flowers in her garden!!! Talk about timing and to cap it all she is enquiring as to how I am and wanted to find out my pedigree!!!!!!

I can’t quite remember what I mumbled but I saw a bucket grabbed it rushed to my room, close my door and squatted to let flow the biggest loose motion I have had in my life!!!!. I didn’t have water to wash, so I took an old T-Shirt and wiped my ass planning to worry about how to deal with it later!!!!

I used my make shift potty several times before my stomach finally settled. I was so exhausted and felt weak. Finally I just fell asleep. I got up after a few hours and my system had settled down. My Landlord was in the porch waiting for to get up as he had got some food for me. I ate what I could and wished him good night and slept till seven in the morning.

I felt good in the morning and asked my land lord to arrange for breakfast while I had a cup of coffee and congratulated myself that I had managed my first crisis without having to call on the half way home. It suddenly struck me that I hadn’t cleaned my potty and when I went to get it I howled with laughter. I had been using an old rusted tin with a lid mistaking it for a bucket!!!!

FREEDOM AT MIDNIGHT

I am listening to a song from a Tamil Movie that I watched recently and enjoying my first night of freedom from the half way home on my own! Though I tried to get my life back together twice, I failed miserably! Finally I decided I will do it my way and take my chances.

I went for a walk to the beach late in the evening and had a dip! I have a body guard who wants to learn about computers in return for his services to protect and take care of me! I have posted elsewhere that I love this village!!! This is one of the reasons why!!! Oh Boy was it refreshing to have a sea bath at dusk. I came back and had a bath with well water. Now that’s what I call living!!! The last time I did that was at my Aunts place (Fathers Sister) when I was a kid. I had rested in the afternoon and wanted to see the new day in at midnight. The air is sultry, my room is a mess but I feel very much that I am at my home now and feel a sense of belonging that had been missing for some time in my life. My mattress is comfy and my sound system is up and running. My Landlord who is ten years my senior dotes on me and has assured me of fried fish every evening to supplement my dinner.

I was to leave the home tomorrow but the need to get out of the home was so compelling I packed my worldly possession (a lot of it junk that I have accumulated over three years) and left to greet the 26th of June from my new residence. Before my late evening loaf I was getting acclimatized to my new place, finding out where light switches, power points etc. It was fun to go buy my dinner in the night and have some coffee before eating. Subsequently it was entertaining to sit on the porch and gossip with my neighbors about subjects ranging from politics to personal issues. The way the conversations were conducted were hilarious with my Landlord making it very clear that nobody should come and disturb me unless he gives them permission. I am technically supposed to only have a room here but I have the whole house to myself. He is right now sleeping outside while I am sitting at the dining table listening to Mika and writing!!!

It is almost midnight now and its pleasant, I am contemplating a cup of coffee and a snack when I thought of a person I considered an elder brother to me, the late Rajan Bala. In my opinion, he was probably the most well informed Journalist as far as Cricket, Cricketing and Cricketers were concerned. Being a voracious reader he was also very knowledgeable and one of the most interesting characters I have had the privilege of knowing. I have spent many a memorable moment especially during cricket matches when he used to stay with me, while on assignment covering them.

He once remarked how Jawaharlal Neru, Independent India’s first Prime Minister, treated Members of his Cabinet when he wanted to make a point. Apparently these meetings were held in a room in the Prime Ministers Residence and they all used to sit on the floor, I am sure on luxurious carpets, and the great man used to throw a cushion at any member who showed signs of disagreeing with him. How true this is I don’t know I am just quoting Rajan as narrated to me by him!

Recollecting this ended up by my thinking of Nehru’s famous speech, a Tryst with Destiny, when India gained independence. An extract came to mind; “At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom.”

I can’t and don’t want to wake up anybody, not even my Landlord, or for that matter anybody in my village, forget the Country, at this ungodly hour. Its so quiet and everybody is a sleep!! All I know is I have got my freedom in the real sense of the word and after so long I feel alive and content!!!!

A THOUGHT FOR THE DAWN OF A DAY

It is exactly One Year one month and four days and god knows how many minutes; let’s forget the seconds, since the day I was admitted to hospital after my love affair with alcohol ensured that my regular room at the hospital was to become my home again.

It’s the dawn of a day after all that I post this today. I went to sleep early but somehow other the need to write woke me up. The mixed emotions of yesterday when after a long time that I reacted to a situation that was compounded from the time I successfully completed my exam to the events that have unfolded since and the situations I have been subject to leaves me with a sense of sadness that will take a long time to come to terms with.

I have written about perceptions about me in this blog and how the label that I am branded with distorts the opinion of those who claim to care about me, affects me. Today I think I realize how the culmination of all this hurts.

I consider myself an easy going person who can suffer abuse both emotionally and physically without too much of a hassle. You know what? I can’t!!! I now know that those I trust betray me, not in any material sense, but expected me to fail or that I am so sick and probably would fail!!!

Trust in those who claim to care about you and reinforce that feeling of security was something I assumed and dependent on was the most important thing to to me and like a moron I assumed this was gospel truth. I was so wrong!!!! There is so much more to my expectations than that. But I live and learn daily!!

In a lighter vein since I have to look at the funny side, if I had not succeeded in my endeavor to get my act together, decided I am going to live a fulfilled life again and do something with whatever time I have left in this planet and instead screwed it up everybody would have breathed a sigh of relief. They could have very well have had the last laugh and told me very condescendingly we told you so. Unfortunately I have fucked the whole plan up!!! How bloody inconvenient!

Look at it I have not sat for a competitive exam since ninety two, according to those who claim to know better at this age I will only end up with a worse depression when I fail. After all a Bi Polar ex-alcoholic, fifty three years old, wouldn't be able to retain what I am taught or have the discipline to follow a course let alone successfully complete and oh my gosh pass the exam ??? You know I was just lucky. The deity of intelligence and knowledge decided to bless me at that time with his or her benevolence (I don’t know the sex of the deity who intervened) and guided me and provided me the answers to my question paper. I never did attend a grueling course or for that matter study you see!!! Of course I did visit the temple before my exam after donkey’s years and my prayers were answered. That should explain everything!!!!

I know of quite a few people who also visited all the temples in this country and who are half my age and flunk competitive exams. Some even according to what I have read committed suicide when the results were declared. What a bloody nuisance I have become.

But in all this there is, to use her words solace, in my Serendipity who was one of the first to encourage me and have faith that I would excel and I wouldn’t fail. Of course the other is my Mother who always believed in me. The former is twenty two and the latter is eighty eight, years of age. I am lucky I have them in my life!!!

A MEMORABLE DAY

I returned last evening to the half way home after a week of absence pondering if I should seriously consider sharing my time between my room I was going to shift to and the home. Any positive thoughts I had towards even considering such an arrangement took a hike when I was subjected to the latest idiotic bureaucratic procedures that the Management had introduced which at best could be described as dumb. Relieved that I didn’t have to waist any more time on this aspect of my future course of action I went to my room and after early dinner retired to bed. I was supposed to meet the Doctor the next day to formally notify him of my plans.

I was informed this morning that the good Doctor was indisposed and would probably see me only on Sunday. I didn’t quite care as I had so much of piled up to look into so that I could quite the Home by the end of the month.

Trying to do some housekeeping on my laptop I stumbled across a directory of music that I had downloaded over the last few years and started playing some of the tracks. I was hearing some of songs after so long and I was enjoying myself and dancing to the tunes when I suddenly noticed a Resident at my window staring at me in utter amazement.

This guy suffers from both a speech and hearing impediment but with a hearing aid can manage to pick up sounds legibly. He has been here for over a year now and I do smile at him when I see him and greet him with the only thing I know in sign language; Good Morning! I opened my door and beckoned him in, he indicated he would be back and in a moment returned with his hearing aid. With a mixture of sounds and gestures he indicated to me that he liked the music I was playing and whether he could listen to some more. I positioned one of my speakers near his hearing aid pick up device and went about selecting the best tracks from my collection.

I started with the first song I played on a guitar, ‘The house of the Rising Sun’, I took my guitar out and showed him how the chords were formed and using all my miming talents and gestures explained to him how I stared playing as a kid. This lead to the fist Greek song I ever learned by a teenage heartthrob Gnianis Parios showing him pictures of my days at sea. This unusual conversation between me and this guy was observed by several members of the Staff and other Residents who I think came to the conclusion that I had not taken my medication!!!

I played him one my favorite Hindi Film Songs performed by the legendary Lata Mangeshkar in the film Umrao Jan staring Rekha, to me the all-time sexiest woman in Bollywood. I tried to mimic the dances, my late sister did when she finished learning the Indian Classical Art form Barathanatiyam, to the song showing him a picture of my Sister dressed for a performance sometime before she died. Memories of the drummer or the Murudhangam player Atchuthan, also my teacher, came to my mind as I showed pictures of me performing at a folk concert drumming. Extracts of music from the album chess ended up by my sharing how I felt when I first saw the musical in West End. I showed him pictures of Diana Ross while playing some her songs and pictures of me in Las Vegas and explaining to him how I had gone for one her concerts and missed a chance of a life time of her sitting on my lap as I was one row behind the guy she chose to do so! For the first time I was remembering wonderful moments of my life with both the living and the dead sharing it with someone in a unique way and understanding the true meaning of the word joy. I was also able to think of my dead relatives without that acute pain of loss that these memories usually evoke!

I really wouldn’t blame anybody who watched this drama in my room thinking we were both mad!!! The music was loud, I was gesticulating and miming like a monkey in heat, this guy was reacting with grunts, sounds and noises and widely waving his hands accompanied by this insane look on his face and moments of comprehension when he would give me the thumbs up and nod his head violently.

While playing my favorite songs he learned a lot about me as I about him and we both understood each other! We were both exhausted after about four hours and finally ended up watching a tribute to Herby Hancock on U Tube.

I have been told by those who have read my material that I write well, I know that I am a good story teller but what I didn’t know and something I found out only today is I can communicate. And the look this guy gave me when we both acknowledged that we had to stop said it all.

I saw him to his room and he asked me in his own way, which I have learned to comprehend at last, why I so was happy today. I told him because I would be leaving soon and staying on my own. He hugged me, pulled back and with a dead pan expression showed me his palms and shrugged his shoulders, indicating, with what I know now, his pain that he had no where to go!!!

THE WIFE, MARRIAGE AND THE RYDER

The combination of the tittle is the sequence of events. I had met Wife after a long time in circumstances that were not acrimonious, discussed the complicated topic of marriage with my Serendipity and the comment my Wife made on my posting of yesterday in that order. The post a result of my wanting to rationalize a Wife, Marriage and a Comment in context of where I am heading in my life and what I think now.

I met my Wife and enjoyed a pleasant evening with her and my Mother-In-Law. The range of topics was varied and I did feel that at last whatever the future holds it would be something without malice complemented with moments of serious acknowledgements of the ground realities and acceptance that being apart with identified common ground of contention was a solution. What was especially satisfying for me was there was a commitment that whatever we do should take into account of the interests of both us. In lite banter the cost of a divorce was tossed about, scenarios of how life would be, expectations and hopes etc., amongst many other topics dominated the lively conversation. It followed the trend I had set some time back in a telephone conversation with my Wife. My reasoning had been accepted and progress in our individual lives was evident. Stories and events that had happened and on going were exchanged. My Wife read my blog, the initial chapters of the book I am writing, commented on the blog and a delicious meal concluded proceedings.

My Serendipity had read my Wife’s comments and when we chatting the next day the topic naturally drifted to what had happened the previous evening and the subject of Marriage came up. Her rather idealistic view of the whole business wanted me to summarize twenty one years of Married life the second time. I really couldn’t! There is no magic potion that makes or breaks a marriage that I know of. The standard prerequisites that are glibly tossed around of compatibility, understanding, compromise and sacrifices are just the tip of the repository of phrases that I have come across in conversations with so many on this subject. Heck I have used them so often!

Once married, couples tend to forget why they did so in the first place. When romancing we tend to take the effort to reinforce love in a big way, taking time to find just the right place and ambience to pursue ardently the person who interests us. Invariably this nose dives in priority after a few years of signing the dotted line. Initially physical encounters are protected to ensure optimum fulfillment. Subsequently the phone rings or the children cry whenever the need arises!!! Birthdays celebrated with intimacy no longer counts. Being sexy and taking the effort to look attractive loses its importance since security is assumed by the legality of marriage, and guaranteed continuity presumed. Many forget that success require care, attention and nurturing. Somewhere down the line focus shifts and the quality of life together deteriorates. Before long boredom leads to either infidelity or some other distraction. I too at one time like my Serendipity was convinced by the image of successful marriages. Then I also learned both personally and from my observations what goes on behind the public facade. I should know I did the same not once but twice!

I now believe that if you have a lifelong affair with the one you love the chances are it will survive the test of time. In my case there were other problems but that is my conclusion after two failures. I don’t think I am the marrying kind and I should have lived in sin. Even though I hate to assume certainties in retrospect, I think had I done that I wouldn’t have hurt so many people. Finally apportioning blame for a joint failure is meaningless and the only statement that reflects my philosophy accurately is, It takes two to Tango!

My love affair with alcohol is not something that I am very proud of but neither is it something that I waste my time dwelling on. I have the made the effort and with the continuing reinforcement that I instill in myself daily, have at last achieved the balance to ensure that the bottle won’t be a problem for me anymore. So many years have now gone by and there is so much to be happy about and so much to cry about. Could things have been different if I was different?? I wouldn’t know. I am what I have become and that brings its own fortunes and misfortunes. Like it or not that is something that I have to live with. I doubt that inherent traits and instinctive behavior can be changed and even if I could I wouldn’t want to change my personality to an extent that I end up to be something I am not. I am great believer in learning from the past and as I always maintained there is only one thing in our existence that we have absolute control over barring unforeseen tragedy. That is the present. The past serves as the best tool for knowledge and experience. We have no control over what the future holds and attempts at predicting it is not only foolish but idiotic. The present is all that is there to be dealt with tangibly, clearly and precisely using every iota of intelligence and skills available complimented with the lessons of the past. This ensures a yesterday that one can be proud of, a today that can be made interesting and prepares one to face the tomorrow with confidence!!!

As for the Ryder my Wife left as a comment I see her point. It has not been easy on her but neither has it been on me. We have both contributed towards what happened and should take comfort that we can still communicate effectively and warmly without strangling each other on sight. If we are smart we should take those lessons very seriously and apply them in our live styles in whatever time is left for us on this Planet. We are better off apart and as close friends since we know each other so well. We tried to make it work twice and failed and as someone once told me making a mistake once is acceptable, twice can be forgiven but a third is lunacy. In our case the costs of failure though heavy at the time has fortunately not left serious scars in the psyche and is obvious to those who have known us over the last two decades that we look good and content now. So tell me why on earth fuck it up??????

FORTY EIGHT HOURS

I returned to the half way home after a two day stay in Colombo. I came back late in the afternoon yesterday and decided to have lunch in one of the wayside restaurants that populate the coast line in this area. I spent a very fruitful afternoon not only having a good lunch but also organizing the logistics for the weekend when my fellow students are due here to attend a joint study session before we sit for our exams next week. I returned to the half way home around four PM planning an easy evening and early night to recoup and get ready for the intensive study program I intend to commence from today.

I was accosted by a visibly agitated Doctor who had noted that I had returned to the half way home early in the afternoon and then subsequently gone out again. It transpired that he needed my services urgently to help him out with one of the Residents who had to be taken to hospital for the customary checkup before admission to the Halfway Home. I knew this Resident as he had been here before and much against the Doctor wishes discharged himself prematurely without completing his program. He was an Alcoholic!

I really was in no mood to take care of belligerent alcoholics familiar or otherwise and certainly didn’t want to spoil what had been a very pleasant stay in Colombo getting involved in the admission procedures of the Institute. Nevertheless I acquiesced very reluctantly and marched off to the Residents room prepared to use my rather intimidating powers of persuasion to ensure that this guy got ready pronto and went to hospital. The sight that greeted me made me pause and throttle the words I was about to deliver in anger. This was how I would have looked like in May 2010!!! Empathy took over and I quickly changed my tactics and eventually found myself accompanying the guy to the Hospital. So much for my relaxed evening!!!

The gist of what he conveyed to me was a familiar lament. The reasons equally uninspiring, the conclusions and results boringly identical. But my usual sarcastic one liners and wit was tempered with a feeling of Deja Vu and a cold feeling of realization of how this had happened to me not just once but on several occasions. The Consultant Doctor at the Hospital was a Psychiatrists I used for second opinions and I was able to quickly get the Resident attended to. My concern that there was risk of seizure due to withdrawals was put at rest and the Doctors rather bemused look as to what I was doing in Hospital dressed in what I refer to as my HADU outfits in Sinhalese, generally consisting of old T-Shirts with holes in strategic places and my trade mark crumpled track pants was replaced with a wink, when I explained that I hadn’t come to him for his opinion but due to the emergency at hand and I had progressed quite well, thank you, since I consulted him in February.

On the way back to the Home I was preoccupied with an analysis I had done when researching the best way to overcome alcoholism. There are those who seem to able to give up drinking without any repercussions or the issues that many of us go through when we are forced to accept that we have a drinking problem when things really hit rock bottom. They stop and stay away from the booze for the rest of their existence! Then there are those who manage to do so with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous and similar programs and after some trial and error end up leading lives of sobriety. Then there are the more troublesome cases such as mine that require hospitalization and a period of sanitization and repeated relapses before sobriety with occasional lapses is finally achieved. The last category are probably in the eyes of many the most incorrigible and often viewed with disdain and ridiculed by many who don’t have an alcoholic problem and cannot understand or comprehend how this can happen. They dismiss these individuals as not being strong willed and capable human beings!!! They don’t know or care to acknowledge that they might end up in the same boat one day! Life has a strange way of dealing off the deck.

Back in my room after finishing my work and listening to music, tired and exhausted I looked back at the last forty eight hours. It had been great. I had a pleasant evening the previous day, Saro read my blog and was the first to post a comment, my Mother-In-Law thought it was fabulous and I should get the material published but by far the best moment for me was the incident that occurred when I left the Doctors room at the Hospital. I couldn’t read the Doctors expression but his tone and the look conveyed subtleness in meaning that I have yet to comprehend. Looking at me straight in the eye he said “Thank you for taking care of my Patient! “ My re-joiner “No problems Doc! I have been there”, accompanied by a wry smile was followed with a tear drop from my eye!

PHILOSOPHY AND RELIGION.

This post was instigated by my being involved in the annual Vesak Bakthi Ghee event held at the half way home yesterday and a subsequent conversation with one of the latest additions to the staff cadre of the home who had read Anthropology for her degree. Bakthi Ghee is a collection of devotional invocations to the Buddha. The modern day renditions are extremely catchy and pleasing to the ear. I was hired to design and print the Souvenir for this occasion and as the Sinhala lyrics had to be transliterated into English, (to allow those who couldn’t read Sinhala to participate) resulted in my trying to understand the lyrics when it suddenly dawned on me that these devotional songs were actually documenting historical events musically and an extension to the famous chronicle of the period when Lord Buddha preached Buddhism and the events thereafter, the Mahawamsa. Why religious overtones surrounded this event, when wonder and awe at a rich cultural heritage would have been more appropriate, struck me as absurd!

My understanding of Buddhism is that it is a way of life and religion shouldn’t be playing any part in this philosophy. This view is shared by many a practicing Buddhist who have asserted so to me as an when this topic has been discussed when the occasions arose. I shared this that evening after the event with some the staff at the home.In the course of this conversation I asked the student of Anthropology, who is a Catholic as to how she reconciled Darwin’s theory of evolution with the Catholic premise that God created Adam, Eve and the rest of the whole haramarang! (choose the order). So much so for what we learn, believe and practice. Reminded me of my physics teacher in school who once told the class that we all knew our theory as far as Ohms law was concerned but wouldn’t know how to replace a domestic electrical fuse if our Moms asked us to!

What is even more bizarre is that we generally end up with the religion that our Parents belong to and seem to modify our thinking along the way, seeing and learning completely contradictory philosophies and still end up with this fanatical belief that ours is the right choice so much so that we are even ready to kill for this! Religion does play a significant role in people’s lives. The comfort, solace and the strength that we humans derive from it is no doubt beneficial provided that is not intrusive and shoved upon all and sundry as the best choice. That choice or method of practice should be private and judiciously enforced as such. Certainly macabre rituals cannot and should not be tolerated and everything should conform to what is acceptable to the social norms of the Geographic Location. This is bound lead to problems and they will have to be no doubt dealt with. Finding a method to do so will be contentious to say the least. But I digress now, that is another issue.

It is the Institutions that end up interpreting Religion and assume custody that should be checked and monitored. Napoleon Bonaparte is quoted as saying “I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not of this world, and yet they lay hands on everything they can get”. How very true! I have only seen one Priest in my entire existence whom I can vouch for personally never had anything apart from a hut in the Jungle in which he sheltered from the elements (It didn't belong to him), slept on the floor and was surrounded by various Idols that were very generously donated to him by the Owners who believed they brought them bad luck!

History has proved on numerous occasions that religion and politics is the most lethal cocktail to ever hit the sack. It is then that events so barbaric occur and that is when morality and consciousness don’t complement justice and fair play but get thrown out of the equation. We cannot allow institutionalized religion in the modern context especially with the advances we are making and the progress of technology. Our young need to learn the latest in Science and that has to be nurtured with the sense of balance and comprehension required to believe in whatever religion or philosophy that cater to individual needs and comfort zones rationally. It is important is to bridge the huge contradiction between what is taught at and what is perceived so that individuals empowered and confident about their ability to make the distinction between right and wrong fairly and without preconceived notions will emerge. This would lead to a more mature collective and a philosophy of live and let live.

One of the Buddhist staff members participating in the discussion opined that Buddhism is more close to evolution than anything else religious or otherwise (apart from evolution itself, that is) she is aware of. I agree! The philosophy teaches a way of life that ensures the evolution of the being from the present state of existence to the ultimate state of enlightenment. Breaking the cycle of rebirth as it were. It attracts me and quite a lot of people as well. In its simplest form it is the essence of clean living and a clear conscience. Call it what you like but what I find so appealing in this concept is that you are ultimately responsible for what you do and are answerable for your actions. There is no divine intervention or lack of, to thank or blame. However I too contradicting myself seek recourse from that elusive God for comfort when in distress. This is hard for me to overcome and is an essential ingredient in my philosophical potpourri. But then I am a complex person who not only has strange relationships with both my Gods and Demons but also with fellow Humans.

THE REAL ANNIVERSARY

TO BE POSTED

LARRY FLYNT

A new Resident was admitted a couple of days ago and unfortunately this man walks with a crutch. Why this sight should be associated with a wheel chair in my mind still confuses me. This thought came back to me last night and I remembered a movie in which the main character is the victim of a failed assassination attempt and survives it only to be paralyzed waist down. I couldn’t for the love of God remember the name of the character until this morning that is when it dawned on me that I was thinking about Larry Flynt the publisher of Hustler Magazine.

I had seen copies of the Hustler Magazine when I was a kid and the few who had them in my home town were very proud owners and would show them off to me with great pomp and ceremony. I would have been about 12 years old and these pictures were a welcome sight and very educational for me. Not to mention of course their role in stimulating a growing awareness of sex which I was going through at that time.

I didn’t know much about the Publisher till I saw the movie The People Vs Larry Flynt in the nineties and subsequently saw a news clip of the man himself proclaiming to the world, or whoever was watching TV at that time, that he had, had more Women than Huge Hefner! A point of view that was dismissed by a Reporter in an article who opined that who cared anyways. It asserted Hefner’s playboy Magazine was something that would have been popular even at the time of Sodom and Gonorrhea, I mean Gomorrah and somebody should put the old codger (Flynt) out of his misery!

For me why I enjoyed the film and respect the man is for his stand on the freedom of expression which is a commodity that very few people seem to want to defend these days. It is one of the first casualties in lot of Counties including mine. Furthermore porn unlike war isn’t a killer, unless of course you’re very careless.

More recently Flynt had approached the US Congress for a bail out in light of the present economic downturn in the US and to me that showed this man has balls. I mean if you look at it America is bailing out the Auto Industry when people stopped buying American cars long before the crisis and entertainment especially Adult is a very popular pastime and is a growing industry. It needs all the help it can get! I am sure it will be a cast iron investment.

But Flynt also came to mind in context of an article I read in the only local Sunday Paper I follow regularly. The writer in comparing the situation in Libya and Sri Lanka asserted that the later had still not reached the state of oppression nor does the climate for Revolution exist unlike the former and change is still possible within a democratic framework. He is right Sri Lanka has still not reached the epic proportions of repression that so many of these crackpots have subjected their people to. But if this trend continues it won’t be very long before this Country joins that elite crowd and we end up like them.

Flynt may have been a smut pedaler to those who want view him as such but his character is of a man who believed that there were issues that needed to be fought for. He is called a free speech pioneer and used his resources towards espousing that. What concerns me is the scarcity such people in Sri Lanka who are ready to see this looming menace and willing to take action now without waiting for the situation to deteriorate to an intolerable level. It will happen if things go on like this and are we to allow this rot to continue for god knows how long before we are goaded and forced to take action?

Another long drawn out battle after a repressive regime entrenches itself is something that we can ill afford. Two uprisings one long drawn out Civil War and at the end of it all we seem to be in the same place chasing our tail and shouting the same old rhetoric. The cost in human suffering is yet to be measured and the damage to the collective psyche is bound to have social consequences that will be far reaching. An old friend of mine told me just after the 1983 riots that Sri Lanka had lost its innocence! I don’t think we lost it then. It happened a long time before 1983 and unless we learn the value and necessity of true freedom and are willing to defend it, never mind the innocence, we will never mature as a nation and be truly united to even contemplate genuine progress and true development of its Citizens and Society.

THE INDIAN EXPERIENCE.

We landed in Chennai on schedule and after checking in our onward luggage to Hyderabad proceeded to the Domestic Terminal. For a regional hub Chennai leaves much to be desired. I was told it had been a lot worse till the recent renovations had been done. But to me it didn’t seem to have been through any renovations and looked a mess. But my buddy assured me that this was not the case as he had travelled through here before, during and after the renovations. Apparently at one time the drive way to the Airport was alongside the walkway from the International to Domestic Terminals.

Anyway we got some magazines from one of the book shops and proceeded to the departure lounge for our almost eight hour wait for the connection to Hyderabad. It was unusually cold for this part of the world. Colombo had experienced the coldest weather in sixty one years because of the impact, experts had said, of Global Warming. We had with us warm clothes so it was comfortable. The time passed slowly and at last we heard the boarding call.

We boarded a bus to get the aircraft and I was a bit surprised. This was almost a two hour flight and I thought the renovations would have meant we walked to the aircraft from the lounge. Was I in for a shock! We were being flown in a two engine turbo prop that looked so short and small and did I have the he bee jeebees! For moment I was at loss for words. This was a come down with a nasty bang. The only analogy I could think of was a limo to a bullock cart!

You boarded the aircraft from the back and it was on a flight of five odd steps hanging on what looked like twine with a even thinner version as your handrail. I clutched at this and with some trepidation managed to board the plane. We were right in the front and there was another shocker. We were in two seats that were flush with the separating panel of the cockpit from the cabin and We had two passengers facing us and I swear if I had stretched my legs it would have landed in between the lady in front of me! Not something you would want to do in India. This was a small aircraft. The only time I had been in something smaller was way back in 1978 when due to bad weather and a strike by the El Air Crew there was only one flight out of Tel Aviv and I could have sworn that the plane’s wings were flapping to keep the aircraft in the sky! I wondered if I was in for a similar experience.

Taking off was even more unusual. The flight attendant pulled her seat from a slot before the door to the cockpit. It looked like one of those folding ironing boards you find in today’s space saving apartments. When she did her demonstrations I had to strain my neck backwards to get a glance at her! I was pushed forward on takeoff by a good eight inches off the backrest of the seat. But at the end of it all the flight was uneventful and smooth and we were on time. It was cold as hell and we quickly rushed through the airport to a Taxi and made are way to the Brides Residence.

Hyderabad was fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was seeing so many people I hadn’t met in a while and felt so much at home. It was an experience that I will never forget. The City is cosmopolitan and apparently has a large population of Sri Lankan Students who do inter marry with the locals and settle down quite well in this part of India.

We went for a walk one day into the town close by to where we were staying and the sidewalks were a death trap at least at that time. There was a lot of cable laying going on and I stubbed my toe many a time on those walks. A relation of my Buddy’s, he is tall bumped into a sign that clearly stated mind your head because he was looking down to avoid the pot holes in the sidewalk!

One stretch of the side walk had a long wall which had a sprayed message as to not pass urine There! The stretch that had this caution was clean, but further on there was no warning and it stank! I used to buy cigarettes from a shop that had a board stating it was the CICAGO CIGARATE & PAN SHOP.

The wedding was great and I learned of some enchanting customs when the Master of Ceremonies introduced and got all the guests to do some very interesting dances. Leaving early morning I noticed how in the night the streets had been swept clean and the City looked spick and span to greet the new day. The drive to the Airport was fast and the road leading to it was so well laid out. I was told by my friend that the Rajiv Gandhi Airport is reputed to be the best in India. I do not know how this compares with Delhi’s new terminal One but I was impressed.

Back in Sri Lanka on our way back home I saw something that really made this trip so eventful. On the back of a covered pickup truck was a three piece Papra band as they are known. They were an integral part of my childhood at carnivals at our neighborhood school fares. As for the jinx and the curse that has been in my life??? I think it is gone and I was looking forward to 2011!

THE DAY DAWNS.

Was I excited; I couldn’t sleep much and was full of anticipation to embark on what was going to be a new adventure for me. At last I was off to India. I had checked on-line and found out that the Aircraft was an Airbus. I had been on them before. I remembered when Indian Airlines introduced them on the Colombo Bombay sector and I was taking a flight to Colombo when somebody mentioned I was taking an Airbus, wondering what kind of a bus had wings and could fly ?

As usual we left home late and made it to the Airport an hour before departure, passengers are supposed to be at the Airport three hours before, but that was nothing new to me. When I was a frequent traveller and my late first wife worked for an Airline I used to be at the Airport just in time to be bundled into the plane. That was another time of my life.

My Buddy is a well-known actor and a frequent flyer. One of the counter girls recognized him and we got a business class upgrade, and that was a cool way to leave Colombo. The Airport had been renovated and looked really good. The traces of the old Airport were there but there were a few additions and it was plush. We went up to the duty free grabbed what we needed and had some lunch at the Business Class Lounge. I walked around and surprisingly was quite relaxed and all those fears and apprehensions I had about flying seemed to have vanished. I got my buddy to take a photograph of me and sat down to mail it to my Mom when I heard the boarding call.

We made our way to the security check point and this was the first time I experienced post 9/11 security. I was standing behind my friend when a rather young pretty looking security officer requested me to remove my belt and shoes before passing through the metal detector. I couldn’t help it! I removed my belt and proceeded to unzip my jeans as if though I was going to strip! The look on the Woman’s face and the frantic gestures she made at me to stop was a sight I wish I could have captured for posterity. The Officer in Charge looked on highly amused while I feigned ignorance and sheepishly told the Woman “Aiyo Mang Dane Naha! Mang hithuwe okkamma galawanda ona kiyala. Kalekata passé mang plane ekka yanne!” “Oh my god I didn’t know I thought I had to remove everything! I am taking a plane after a long time!” I don’t think the Woman quite realized that I was pulling her leg! My buddy in the meanwhile had missed all this and was frantically looking for me further down the walkway.

The inside of the Cabin was a sight for sore eyes. I breathed deeply absorbing the fragrance of the interior and felt at ease as I walked to my seat. I had picked a window seat as I always did on top of the wing. I looked out at the tarmac and the memories of the numerous occasions I had done the same thing flooded my mind. I thought to myself so this is what I missed out on all these years!

We were ready for takeoff and as I strapped myself in as the aircraft started the slow ride to the runway. I enjoyed every shudder and vibration that the engine made. I was on a high. The stewardess came with my drink and while sipping my smoothie and gazed out looking at the vast ground surrounding the taxiway when the Aircraft reached the take off position. The familiar sound of the engine revving up was so comforting as the Aircraft moved slowly at first and as it gained speed I watched the runway blurring as we approached takeoff speed. I waited for that moment when the Aircraft leaves the ground and suddenly you know you’re airborne and you hear the noise of the hydraulics in action. It was wonderful to be flying again!

AFTER EIGHT YEARS A TRIP ABROAD

I last made an overseas visit in 2002 to India, and from that time onwards even though I did get a new passport in 2007 I never saw the inside of an airport all these years. Considering that I was such a frequent traveller from the age of 2 when my Mother took me on my first trip to India and my globetrotting as a Sailor and subsequently as a business traveller, in retrospect I am surprised that I was able to stay so long in Sri Lanka without feeling the urge to travel somewhere. I don’t what stopped me but my life had gone so wrong that I didn’t even feel the need or desire to even get out of Colombo. I guess alcohol was the only thing that mattered to me.

When I first came to the half way home in July 2008 I was too weak and drugged to take even a five minute walk in the compound. Things started improving after my third month and I did regain my strength and started my outdoor activities and by December 2008 I was very fit compared to what I was when I first came here. But though I did start wanting to travel abroad again I was afraid that I might not be able to stand the strain of travelling and at one time I had resigned myself to the fate that I am going to be stuck in Sri Lanka for the rest of my life!

But after I came back to the half way home last May one of the things I had decided was that I was going to make an overseas trip before the end of the year. This was one of the resolutions amongst others I had made when I was reflecting on a course of action while in hospital. The reason for this sudden obsession to travel was instigated by a story my late Sister had conveyed a long time before she died and during the period I was in an out of rehab and things were generally fucked up. Apparently she had been told by an Astrologer that I need to cross international waters if this bad period in my life was to come to an end!! I don’t particularly consider myself a very superstitious person and after my Sisters death my family generally abhors any thinking in that direction. But I was obsessed with this one statement she had made. I mean considering all the sound advice I had got on matters I should have listened to and didn’t should explain the logic of my convoluted thinking that I use when it suites me.

By July I was reorienting myself and staying with my best buddy during the week and coming to the half way home only on weekends. In spite of all the other hassles I was going through during this time the trip abroad was always in my mind. Problem was my Family were very reluctant to send me off anywhere on my own at that time and I couldn’t find anybody whom I could tag along with as well even for a short period of time. But then lady luck smiled at me. My best Buddy’s Sisters Daughter was getting married and the wedding was to be held in Hyderabad. His family knew me from child hood days and I had no problem in getting an invitation. So India it was and the tentative date of departure the 26th of December 2010, duration four days!!

This was end November and was I excited. I was going with my buddy and meeting people I had not seen since 1983. I was looking forward to it. Then came a small snag. I had lost all my previous passports and had only the current one which had no endorsements of travelling anywhere The Indian Visa Office required that I get a Police Report to that affect otherwise the chances of my getting a visa would be slim. Now I like most people in Sri Lankan hate visiting Police Stations unless it is absolutely necessary and in this case it was if I was going to break this jinx. Usually I know somebody or know of somebody who knows somebody to get things done. So I called one of the later who informed me not to be a dumb ass but just walk up to the nearest cop shop and make the complaint like anybody else without trying to draw unnecessary attention to myself as the cops would wonder why I was peddling influence for a simple matter of reporting expired passports that I had lost. Made sense so I did exactly that and walked to the nearest cop shop which was a couple of blocks away from my office and except for a slight misunderstanding with the chaps who let you through the main gate as I had inadvertently declared that I live elsewhere. They said in that case I had to make the complaint to a Police Station of that area. I resolved this with some ingenuity and made my way to the crimes desk.

A well-built Cop, quite pleasant looking and in civvies, was in charge. Ho queried as to what my problem was and once I explained what I had come for very politely requested me to wait till he finished resolving the problem at hand involving a transaction between a buyer and a seller of some textiles on a nonpayment of dues and wanted to know if I would like to take a walk and come back later. An offer which I declined saying that I will wait as this matter was a bit urgent since I had to apply for my Visa the next day. I sat and watched this interesting process of a genuine law enforcer doing a good job. I did complement the Cop when it was my turn and I noticed the wry smile of appreciation my comments evoked.

A rather pleasant looking Lady Cop sat herself next to me and proceeded to record my statement. It was going very well till I said in a mixture of Sinhala and English that I probably would have misplaced or dropped my passports taking them out of the case I carry my laptop Computer in when I travelled in the many three wheelers I take when I commute in and around the office area during the night. Now the statement is recorded in Sinhala and there was an embarrassing pause. The literal translation of laptop into Sinhala is extremely suggestive and the Lady Cop and I tried not to laugh while the Officer in charge looked nonchalantly at the Ceiling. I almost blurted out in Sinhala “Mang Oyage Odekkuwa Idegenna Mage Lapto ekka Pennendada?” “Shall I sit on your Lap and show you my Laptop?” Like I said the officer in Charge was well built! There was a pause and silence which was broken suddenly by the Lady Cop asserting loudly in Sinhala “Mama Dane ne naha me Magula mama Laptop kiyala Liyanawa!” Translation “I don’t know anything about this damn thing I am writing laptop!” I signed the statement and walked out and burst out laughing when I hit the side walk. A few passes by did give me strange looks. I did ask the guys in office if they knew what the correct term for a Laptop in Sinhala was. Everyone knew what a computer was and the only guy who checked online came up with a word that I didn’t even know existed!

I got my statement the next day and the visa three days after. I passed the Lady Cop on foot patrol prior to my departure to India, one day in the evening on my way home; she recognized me and gave me smile that will be etched in my memory for ever.

ANOTHER DREAM

I went to sleep late last night very relaxed and quite content that I had done quite a lot during the day. It had been a while since I had listen to a track from my yoga music collection, so instead of tuning in to my favorite radio station I chose a track I use for my yoga that had a mix of modern Rock and Oriental instruments, put it on repeat, set the volume to suite my comfort zone and drifted off to sleep.

I find myself on top of a rock very similar to the one that the river Ganges in India gushes out from beneath the glaciers and starts its journey to the sea. If I remember right this is supposed to be very high in the Himalayas and bloody cold. But I am wearing a T-Shirt and Jeans and standing on the rock bare feet, which is very unusual for me. There is a pathway to the bank of the River and I walk down to the river bank, it’s more a stream really, wash my face in the cold clear water and drink some as well.

Though this is supposed to be the river it is very shallow and the rocks are sparkling under the sun. I walk across to the other side where there are some strange trees. They look like Christmas trees but they are all silver like something out of a picture post card. I try touching them but I can’t feel anything. There is no vegetation other than these trees and I am very confused but not particularly bothered by this surreal environment I find myself in. I look around me but I can only see these trees all around and pathways leading from where I am and disappearing into some sort of a haze. It’s like I am at a center of half a wagon wheel with the spokes leading away from me in irregular directions. It all looks pretty organized.

I pick one in random and walk away from the River and suddenly find myself in a field with weird shaped rocks placed all over the place. They vary in size but the path I am in snakes its way through these rocks and there are various branches leading away in different directions. It’s pleasant and I hear some faint music in the background. I walk a while but the scenery seems to be the same. I decide to take one of the branches to my left and I am back on top of the rock I started!

But now my Serendipity is at the bottom of the rock standing in the river. She too is wearing a T-Shirt but her Jeans are rolled up. She looks at me and I make out a sad smile. I go down towards her and though I try to talk I can’t. She is telling me that somebody has died. I can understand everything she is saying clearly but there is no sound except for the faint music. I look around and see two men walking up the River towards us, one is smiling at me as if though he knows me but the face is unfamiliar. He has very sharp features, sporting a beard and brown in complexion. I think I know him but I can’t place his face. The other is sullen and frowning at me. His features are not prominent and his image is vague. He has long unkempt hair and he doesn’t like me!

I turn towards my Serendipity and notice that is crying softly. I try to ask her why but she doesn’t seem to hear me. She looks forlon and so sad that my heart breaks. I am unable to comfort her. The guy who was smiling at me comes near me and puts his arm around my shoulders and I gather he is reassuring me that everything will be all right.

My phone rings suddenly and I realize I have my cell phone with me! I answer it and my dead sister wants to know when I would be joining my Mother and Her for lunch at the Hotel. My Serendipity is shaking her head at me and frowning now and this time I can’t understand what she is saying except she is annoyed at the interruption. I try to explain that I have to go to the Hotel but she keeps shaking her head. My smiling friend is still reassuring me while the other guys frown has turned menacing!

I don’t how long this drama went on but I am suddenly all alone on top the rock with loud music replacing what was in the background. It is the Osibisa track I use for my 6.30 alarm!