The Metaphor and Me

Its been a while since I have sat down to write. I am back at the halfway home for one of my regular retreats I now refer to my stays here and a sequence of events triggered this thought process that I hope will help me to start writing regularly once again.

My life has been most definitely greatly and positively impacted over the last 29 odd days and our age disparity makes our relationship insane, to your average Joe. However it has meant more than any I have had as I don't seem to be able to find an obvious comparison off hand. It has been the highlight of my existence thus far and I know that I have made an impression in her life. We have been sharing thoughts and experiences and always try to find something interesting, new or controversial every time we communicate. But to the point now!

I had glanced through an article titled THE SINHABAHU METAPHOR. My cursory glance came useful for a previous posting but I had noted that I needed to read the article today and did so. The Author had written about a Sinhala king who was the Great Grandfather of the Sinhala people and uses the story as a metaphor in his analysis of the present situation in the middle east and what lessons the present rulers of Sri Lanka should keep in mind if they don't want to end up the same way! He ends that there will be a generation that has not lived under the tragedy of the last 30 years and will not care or remember about the history of the violent conflicts this country has witnessed from both sides of the divide over four decades. But they will demand justice and fair play so that their aspirations can be fulfilled. This set me thinking. My new interest does not know of the 83 riots. She is the new generation who has not seen the civil conflict of the past 30 years intimately enough to get a proper perspective , she wasn't even born during the equally bloody JVP uprising of 88, she doesn't have a clue as to how Sirimavo and Felix Dias monkeyed with the Constitution, the legal system and systematically destroyed the civil service and politicized the establishment. She doesn't yet fully grasp the subtle repressive methods that are insidiously evolving today. What she has seen is the endemic corruption so widely prevalent in the social fabric and its effect. It has yet to have a major impact on her life , but I sensed the unease already fermenting in her mind when she asked me this morning, when will a middle east happen in Sri Lanka ? At her age she should be contemplating matters regarding a bright future instead of entertaining thoughts of a bloody uprising . She is already maturing rapidly and questioning issues that she feels are contrary to her own core beliefs. Maybe the new generation is already here ? It's seems to have already started asking, at least she has !

I have over the last 40 years witnessed the major upheavals and changes of the transformation of the so called pearl of the Indian Ocean Ceylon to the ravaged mess that Sri Lanka is today. I had enjoyed ignorant bliss from the age of about the age of 6, ( 1964 )from when I can recollect instances of my life with a fair degree of accuracy. This ignorance ,with some exceptions, lasted till 1971 when I first heard about the JVP, and was warned solemnly that if anybody mentioned 5 classes to run a mile and tell the nearest cop. From 1972 onwards I slowly learned that the brand of Socialism that was practiced in Sri Lanka was as usual the worst form which is a typically Sri Lankan trait. But even that didn't have much of an impact on my life. By this time I started understanding Carl Marx and Engels and the so called virtues of the Socialistic System against the big bad Capitalistic fellows. Of course the proponents of this point of view got buggered when they witnessed like I did how Comrades Peter's and NM's betrayal not only screwed the working class but also got them thrown out of the UF government of our Ma Baker. I was impressed with the dexterity of Comrade Vasu the great Survivor who ensured that he was at all times on the right side of the divide while at the same time supporting two diametrically opposing positions. I also learned that in Socialism there is a distinction between different Socialists, some were more socialist than others and the misfits who couldn't be classified ended up dead. Somewhere during this time I called myself a Marxist and I impressed all the suckers I could find with my eloquent style and impeccable command of the English Language and the art of speaking ,( Thanks to Daphne Lords School of Speech and Drama ) and the use of terminology I didn't quite understand then and to be quite honest don’t understand even now! Everybody fell for it. I was no bloody revolutionary but liked to be different because it impressed the girls !

In spite of all this I have of course learned some valuable lessons from associating with the Ceylon Mercantile Union and Mr. Bala Tampoe who was one of the influential persons in molding a lot of my thinking and directly responsible for my acquiring some the attributes I still believe in today. I had a lot of exposure to situations early on in my life which played an important role and the collective was responsible for establishing strong values and principals that I still hold dearly. While still a student I used to actively participate with my child hood buddy in the political process that taught me a lot and the the subject of civics introduced to me in school was seen in practice. It was an interesting period and I think the 1977 general election when I first cast my vote was probably the most free and fair that I witnessed.

After 1977 I spent frequent spells abroad and had traveled widely but coincidentally been back home during crucial periods of it's history which I believe have given me a perspective, by the criteria I classify myself, which would make it unique. Firstly though I am technically identified as a Tamil in all my statutory documents, I am not ! I am a desended of an Indian Malayali Brahmin mixed with a second generation Indian Brahmin of unknown origin born in Ceylon and there is no known classification for this marital match of which I am supposed to be the only male offspring. Secondly I consider my self a Ceylonese and Sri Lankan and thirdly the word race should be used only in combination with the word Human ( according to my English Teachers ) and I wouldn't want to pay the price of insulting the other species on this planet that we of the human race have inflicted so much of damage upon by flashing an ID badge that says so.

This perception should come in useful in following a more relevant direction in the sequencing of my book The Other Side of The Coin, helping the structure and possibly setting the tone for interesting reading but ensuring historical accuracy whilst at the same time leaving for unbridled imagination to distort the truth to add the necessary flavoring that I feel should be the essence of a book. It also may serve as a point of reference for those who never witnessed the events of the last thirty years and I hope the perception I have identified and justified which I intend to use will suffice.

What does this all mean in terms of the new generation and the Sinhabahu Metaphor to me ??? I always related to persons with whom there was a substantial age disparity plus or minus. I have always been attracted to them than those who are my peers. Their youth and vibrancy and the experiences when the situation reverses is always a source of inspiration and somehow other an encounter with either leaves me with wonder or baffles me. The variety and change you see constantly around them is fascinating to those who take the time to observe. I thrive in their company and find them an irreplaceable high especially when I am interacting with them and it is the only challenge I have had to work on to match on a constant basis. It ensures that I am sure of what I am talking about and I have that ability to learn from these experiences without any insecurities. It is time to use this gift more effectively so that I can be a positive contribution to the younger generation. The need for this is now, more than ever and I am constantly reminded of this daily. It would be the ultimate achievement if I can do that. I saw this ability when I was teaching at the NIBM when the age disparity between me and my students was around 15 years. The subject then was computers my passion at that time. The passion for IT still remains but now there are other varied interests. My experiences and the situations I have seen and been in over the last 15 years or so have left an inedible impression in me and I have changed so much so that at last I can assert with confidence that I have understood my psych and very sure of what I want and need to be. It has now become very difficult for me to enjoy the Company of my peers. I don't know how to relate to them and my efforts are ending up in disheartening failures . My level of interaction with them has deteriorated and I am now aware of the changes I will have to make to regain that. Unfortunately I do not consider that a priority anymore. I am more at home with the present generation and more in tune with them to relate and comprehend the issues facing them to be of meaningful assistance and significance in their lives. I still think in a fashion that can quickly adapt to this. This opportunity may not present itself again. I am myself am at a cross road trying to find a meaningful existence to fulfill my aspirations of living a life that I can be proud of whenever my time to leave arrives. I think a merging of these two would be a wonderful way for me to thank who or what ever that ensured I survived so long and lived to talk and write about it.

There is a yearning in me to leave a legacy apart from my reputation that has aspects that I can be proud of and strengths that I have developed which are now evident to me, but this reputation has also much to be ashamed of. My friend has rekindled the natural talent and goodness I have always had but rarely exposed or felt a need to do so. I like this feeling in me and she is responding to it giving me a sense of fulfillment after such a long time of at best a mediocre existence. I know I can satisfy so many aspects of her life and I am mature enough to ensure that she has enough space to develop her own identity and unique personality, the potential which I identified and responded to when I first spoke to her. My writing will now take on a more purposeful direction as it will now not only have a have a trusted feedback but maybe of use in a broader sense. I don't know how many can claim this privilege !!!!

So today’s posting hopefully sets the tone for a solid foundation to ensure that I write and of course set the platform for sharing perceptions and lessons that may come in handy and hopefully set the basis for, who knows ????? She has put it so succinctly in one of our chats. Be prepared for the unexpected.!!!!