This post was instigated by my being involved in the annual Vesak Bakthi Ghee event held at the half way home yesterday and a subsequent conversation with one of the latest additions to the staff cadre of the home who had read Anthropology for her degree. Bakthi Ghee is a collection of devotional invocations to the Buddha. The modern day renditions are extremely catchy and pleasing to the ear. I was hired to design and print the Souvenir for this occasion and as the Sinhala lyrics had to be transliterated into English, (to allow those who couldn’t read Sinhala to participate) resulted in my trying to understand the lyrics when it suddenly dawned on me that these devotional songs were actually documenting historical events musically and an extension to the famous chronicle of the period when Lord Buddha preached Buddhism and the events thereafter, the Mahawamsa. Why religious overtones surrounded this event, when wonder and awe at a rich cultural heritage would have been more appropriate, struck me as absurd!
My understanding of Buddhism is that it is a way of life and religion shouldn’t be playing any part in this philosophy. This view is shared by many a practicing Buddhist who have asserted so to me as an when this topic has been discussed when the occasions arose. I shared this that evening after the event with some the staff at the home.In the course of this conversation I asked the student of Anthropology, who is a Catholic as to how she reconciled Darwin’s theory of evolution with the Catholic premise that God created Adam, Eve and the rest of the whole haramarang! (choose the order). So much so for what we learn, believe and practice. Reminded me of my physics teacher in school who once told the class that we all knew our theory as far as Ohms law was concerned but wouldn’t know how to replace a domestic electrical fuse if our Moms asked us to!
What is even more bizarre is that we generally end up with the religion that our Parents belong to and seem to modify our thinking along the way, seeing and learning completely contradictory philosophies and still end up with this fanatical belief that ours is the right choice so much so that we are even ready to kill for this! Religion does play a significant role in people’s lives. The comfort, solace and the strength that we humans derive from it is no doubt beneficial provided that is not intrusive and shoved upon all and sundry as the best choice. That choice or method of practice should be private and judiciously enforced as such. Certainly macabre rituals cannot and should not be tolerated and everything should conform to what is acceptable to the social norms of the Geographic Location. This is bound lead to problems and they will have to be no doubt dealt with. Finding a method to do so will be contentious to say the least. But I digress now, that is another issue.
It is the Institutions that end up interpreting Religion and assume custody that should be checked and monitored. Napoleon Bonaparte is quoted as saying “I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not of this world, and yet they lay hands on everything they can get”. How very true! I have only seen one Priest in my entire existence whom I can vouch for personally never had anything apart from a hut in the Jungle in which he sheltered from the elements (It didn't belong to him), slept on the floor and was surrounded by various Idols that were very generously donated to him by the Owners who believed they brought them bad luck!
History has proved on numerous occasions that religion and politics is the most lethal cocktail to ever hit the sack. It is then that events so barbaric occur and that is when morality and consciousness don’t complement justice and fair play but get thrown out of the equation. We cannot allow institutionalized religion in the modern context especially with the advances we are making and the progress of technology. Our young need to learn the latest in Science and that has to be nurtured with the sense of balance and comprehension required to believe in whatever religion or philosophy that cater to individual needs and comfort zones rationally. It is important is to bridge the huge contradiction between what is taught at and what is perceived so that individuals empowered and confident about their ability to make the distinction between right and wrong fairly and without preconceived notions will emerge. This would lead to a more mature collective and a philosophy of live and let live.
One of the Buddhist staff members participating in the discussion opined that Buddhism is more close to evolution than anything else religious or otherwise (apart from evolution itself, that is) she is aware of. I agree! The philosophy teaches a way of life that ensures the evolution of the being from the present state of existence to the ultimate state of enlightenment. Breaking the cycle of rebirth as it were. It attracts me and quite a lot of people as well. In its simplest form it is the essence of clean living and a clear conscience. Call it what you like but what I find so appealing in this concept is that you are ultimately responsible for what you do and are answerable for your actions. There is no divine intervention or lack of, to thank or blame. However I too contradicting myself seek recourse from that elusive God for comfort when in distress. This is hard for me to overcome and is an essential ingredient in my philosophical potpourri. But then I am a complex person who not only has strange relationships with both my Gods and Demons but also with fellow Humans.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
LARRY FLYNT
A new Resident was admitted a couple of days ago and unfortunately this man walks with a crutch. Why this sight should be associated with a wheel chair in my mind still confuses me. This thought came back to me last night and I remembered a movie in which the main character is the victim of a failed assassination attempt and survives it only to be paralyzed waist down. I couldn’t for the love of God remember the name of the character until this morning that is when it dawned on me that I was thinking about Larry Flynt the publisher of Hustler Magazine.
I had seen copies of the Hustler Magazine when I was a kid and the few who had them in my home town were very proud owners and would show them off to me with great pomp and ceremony. I would have been about 12 years old and these pictures were a welcome sight and very educational for me. Not to mention of course their role in stimulating a growing awareness of sex which I was going through at that time.
I didn’t know much about the Publisher till I saw the movie The People Vs Larry Flynt in the nineties and subsequently saw a news clip of the man himself proclaiming to the world, or whoever was watching TV at that time, that he had, had more Women than Huge Hefner! A point of view that was dismissed by a Reporter in an article who opined that who cared anyways. It asserted Hefner’s playboy Magazine was something that would have been popular even at the time of Sodom and Gonorrhea, I mean Gomorrah and somebody should put the old codger (Flynt) out of his misery!
For me why I enjoyed the film and respect the man is for his stand on the freedom of expression which is a commodity that very few people seem to want to defend these days. It is one of the first casualties in lot of Counties including mine. Furthermore porn unlike war isn’t a killer, unless of course you’re very careless.
More recently Flynt had approached the US Congress for a bail out in light of the present economic downturn in the US and to me that showed this man has balls. I mean if you look at it America is bailing out the Auto Industry when people stopped buying American cars long before the crisis and entertainment especially Adult is a very popular pastime and is a growing industry. It needs all the help it can get! I am sure it will be a cast iron investment.
But Flynt also came to mind in context of an article I read in the only local Sunday Paper I follow regularly. The writer in comparing the situation in Libya and Sri Lanka asserted that the later had still not reached the state of oppression nor does the climate for Revolution exist unlike the former and change is still possible within a democratic framework. He is right Sri Lanka has still not reached the epic proportions of repression that so many of these crackpots have subjected their people to. But if this trend continues it won’t be very long before this Country joins that elite crowd and we end up like them.
Flynt may have been a smut pedaler to those who want view him as such but his character is of a man who believed that there were issues that needed to be fought for. He is called a free speech pioneer and used his resources towards espousing that. What concerns me is the scarcity such people in Sri Lanka who are ready to see this looming menace and willing to take action now without waiting for the situation to deteriorate to an intolerable level. It will happen if things go on like this and are we to allow this rot to continue for god knows how long before we are goaded and forced to take action?
Another long drawn out battle after a repressive regime entrenches itself is something that we can ill afford. Two uprisings one long drawn out Civil War and at the end of it all we seem to be in the same place chasing our tail and shouting the same old rhetoric. The cost in human suffering is yet to be measured and the damage to the collective psyche is bound to have social consequences that will be far reaching. An old friend of mine told me just after the 1983 riots that Sri Lanka had lost its innocence! I don’t think we lost it then. It happened a long time before 1983 and unless we learn the value and necessity of true freedom and are willing to defend it, never mind the innocence, we will never mature as a nation and be truly united to even contemplate genuine progress and true development of its Citizens and Society.
I had seen copies of the Hustler Magazine when I was a kid and the few who had them in my home town were very proud owners and would show them off to me with great pomp and ceremony. I would have been about 12 years old and these pictures were a welcome sight and very educational for me. Not to mention of course their role in stimulating a growing awareness of sex which I was going through at that time.
I didn’t know much about the Publisher till I saw the movie The People Vs Larry Flynt in the nineties and subsequently saw a news clip of the man himself proclaiming to the world, or whoever was watching TV at that time, that he had, had more Women than Huge Hefner! A point of view that was dismissed by a Reporter in an article who opined that who cared anyways. It asserted Hefner’s playboy Magazine was something that would have been popular even at the time of Sodom and Gonorrhea, I mean Gomorrah and somebody should put the old codger (Flynt) out of his misery!
For me why I enjoyed the film and respect the man is for his stand on the freedom of expression which is a commodity that very few people seem to want to defend these days. It is one of the first casualties in lot of Counties including mine. Furthermore porn unlike war isn’t a killer, unless of course you’re very careless.
More recently Flynt had approached the US Congress for a bail out in light of the present economic downturn in the US and to me that showed this man has balls. I mean if you look at it America is bailing out the Auto Industry when people stopped buying American cars long before the crisis and entertainment especially Adult is a very popular pastime and is a growing industry. It needs all the help it can get! I am sure it will be a cast iron investment.
But Flynt also came to mind in context of an article I read in the only local Sunday Paper I follow regularly. The writer in comparing the situation in Libya and Sri Lanka asserted that the later had still not reached the state of oppression nor does the climate for Revolution exist unlike the former and change is still possible within a democratic framework. He is right Sri Lanka has still not reached the epic proportions of repression that so many of these crackpots have subjected their people to. But if this trend continues it won’t be very long before this Country joins that elite crowd and we end up like them.
Flynt may have been a smut pedaler to those who want view him as such but his character is of a man who believed that there were issues that needed to be fought for. He is called a free speech pioneer and used his resources towards espousing that. What concerns me is the scarcity such people in Sri Lanka who are ready to see this looming menace and willing to take action now without waiting for the situation to deteriorate to an intolerable level. It will happen if things go on like this and are we to allow this rot to continue for god knows how long before we are goaded and forced to take action?
Another long drawn out battle after a repressive regime entrenches itself is something that we can ill afford. Two uprisings one long drawn out Civil War and at the end of it all we seem to be in the same place chasing our tail and shouting the same old rhetoric. The cost in human suffering is yet to be measured and the damage to the collective psyche is bound to have social consequences that will be far reaching. An old friend of mine told me just after the 1983 riots that Sri Lanka had lost its innocence! I don’t think we lost it then. It happened a long time before 1983 and unless we learn the value and necessity of true freedom and are willing to defend it, never mind the innocence, we will never mature as a nation and be truly united to even contemplate genuine progress and true development of its Citizens and Society.
Friday, April 22, 2011
THE INDIAN EXPERIENCE.
We landed in Chennai on schedule and after checking in our onward luggage to Hyderabad proceeded to the Domestic Terminal. For a regional hub Chennai leaves much to be desired. I was told it had been a lot worse till the recent renovations had been done. But to me it didn’t seem to have been through any renovations and looked a mess. But my buddy assured me that this was not the case as he had travelled through here before, during and after the renovations. Apparently at one time the drive way to the Airport was alongside the walkway from the International to Domestic Terminals.
Anyway we got some magazines from one of the book shops and proceeded to the departure lounge for our almost eight hour wait for the connection to Hyderabad. It was unusually cold for this part of the world. Colombo had experienced the coldest weather in sixty one years because of the impact, experts had said, of Global Warming. We had with us warm clothes so it was comfortable. The time passed slowly and at last we heard the boarding call.
We boarded a bus to get the aircraft and I was a bit surprised. This was almost a two hour flight and I thought the renovations would have meant we walked to the aircraft from the lounge. Was I in for a shock! We were being flown in a two engine turbo prop that looked so short and small and did I have the he bee jeebees! For moment I was at loss for words. This was a come down with a nasty bang. The only analogy I could think of was a limo to a bullock cart!
You boarded the aircraft from the back and it was on a flight of five odd steps hanging on what looked like twine with a even thinner version as your handrail. I clutched at this and with some trepidation managed to board the plane. We were right in the front and there was another shocker. We were in two seats that were flush with the separating panel of the cockpit from the cabin and We had two passengers facing us and I swear if I had stretched my legs it would have landed in between the lady in front of me! Not something you would want to do in India. This was a small aircraft. The only time I had been in something smaller was way back in 1978 when due to bad weather and a strike by the El Air Crew there was only one flight out of Tel Aviv and I could have sworn that the plane’s wings were flapping to keep the aircraft in the sky! I wondered if I was in for a similar experience.
Taking off was even more unusual. The flight attendant pulled her seat from a slot before the door to the cockpit. It looked like one of those folding ironing boards you find in today’s space saving apartments. When she did her demonstrations I had to strain my neck backwards to get a glance at her! I was pushed forward on takeoff by a good eight inches off the backrest of the seat. But at the end of it all the flight was uneventful and smooth and we were on time. It was cold as hell and we quickly rushed through the airport to a Taxi and made are way to the Brides Residence.
Hyderabad was fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was seeing so many people I hadn’t met in a while and felt so much at home. It was an experience that I will never forget. The City is cosmopolitan and apparently has a large population of Sri Lankan Students who do inter marry with the locals and settle down quite well in this part of India.
We went for a walk one day into the town close by to where we were staying and the sidewalks were a death trap at least at that time. There was a lot of cable laying going on and I stubbed my toe many a time on those walks. A relation of my Buddy’s, he is tall bumped into a sign that clearly stated mind your head because he was looking down to avoid the pot holes in the sidewalk!
One stretch of the side walk had a long wall which had a sprayed message as to not pass urine There! The stretch that had this caution was clean, but further on there was no warning and it stank! I used to buy cigarettes from a shop that had a board stating it was the CICAGO CIGARATE & PAN SHOP.
The wedding was great and I learned of some enchanting customs when the Master of Ceremonies introduced and got all the guests to do some very interesting dances. Leaving early morning I noticed how in the night the streets had been swept clean and the City looked spick and span to greet the new day. The drive to the Airport was fast and the road leading to it was so well laid out. I was told by my friend that the Rajiv Gandhi Airport is reputed to be the best in India. I do not know how this compares with Delhi’s new terminal One but I was impressed.
Back in Sri Lanka on our way back home I saw something that really made this trip so eventful. On the back of a covered pickup truck was a three piece Papra band as they are known. They were an integral part of my childhood at carnivals at our neighborhood school fares. As for the jinx and the curse that has been in my life??? I think it is gone and I was looking forward to 2011!
Anyway we got some magazines from one of the book shops and proceeded to the departure lounge for our almost eight hour wait for the connection to Hyderabad. It was unusually cold for this part of the world. Colombo had experienced the coldest weather in sixty one years because of the impact, experts had said, of Global Warming. We had with us warm clothes so it was comfortable. The time passed slowly and at last we heard the boarding call.
We boarded a bus to get the aircraft and I was a bit surprised. This was almost a two hour flight and I thought the renovations would have meant we walked to the aircraft from the lounge. Was I in for a shock! We were being flown in a two engine turbo prop that looked so short and small and did I have the he bee jeebees! For moment I was at loss for words. This was a come down with a nasty bang. The only analogy I could think of was a limo to a bullock cart!
Taking off was even more unusual. The flight attendant pulled her seat from a slot before the door to the cockpit. It looked like one of those folding ironing boards you find in today’s space saving apartments. When she did her demonstrations I had to strain my neck backwards to get a glance at her! I was pushed forward on takeoff by a good eight inches off the backrest of the seat. But at the end of it all the flight was uneventful and smooth and we were on time. It was cold as hell and we quickly rushed through the airport to a Taxi and made are way to the Brides Residence.
Hyderabad was fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was seeing so many people I hadn’t met in a while and felt so much at home. It was an experience that I will never forget. The City is cosmopolitan and apparently has a large population of Sri Lankan Students who do inter marry with the locals and settle down quite well in this part of India.
The wedding was great and I learned of some enchanting customs when the Master of Ceremonies introduced and got all the guests to do some very interesting dances. Leaving early morning I noticed how in the night the streets had been swept clean and the City looked spick and span to greet the new day. The drive to the Airport was fast and the road leading to it was so well laid out. I was told by my friend that the Rajiv Gandhi Airport is reputed to be the best in India. I do not know how this compares with Delhi’s new terminal One but I was impressed.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
THE DAY DAWNS.
Was I excited; I couldn’t sleep much and was full of anticipation to embark on what was going to be a new adventure for me. At last I was off to India. I had checked on-line and found out that the Aircraft was an Airbus. I had been on them before. I remembered when Indian Airlines introduced them on the Colombo Bombay sector and I was taking a flight to Colombo when somebody mentioned I was taking an Airbus, wondering what kind of a bus had wings and could fly ?
As usual we left home late and made it to the Airport an hour before departure, passengers are supposed to be at the Airport three hours before, but that was nothing new to me. When I was a frequent traveller and my late first wife worked for an Airline I used to be at the Airport just in time to be bundled into the plane. That was another time of my life.
My Buddy is a well-known actor and a frequent flyer. One of the counter girls recognized him and we got a business class upgrade, and that was a cool way to leave Colombo. The Airport had been renovated and looked really good. The traces of the old Airport were there but there were a few additions and it was plush. We went up to the duty free grabbed what we needed and had some lunch at the Business Class Lounge. I walked around and surprisingly was quite relaxed and all those fears and apprehensions I had about flying seemed to have vanished. I got my buddy to take a photograph of me and sat down to mail it to my Mom when I heard the boarding call.
We made our way to the security check point and this was the first time I experienced post 9/11 security. I was standing behind my friend when a rather young pretty looking security officer requested me to remove my belt and shoes before passing through the metal detector. I couldn’t help it! I removed my belt and proceeded to unzip my jeans as if though I was going to strip! The look on the Woman’s face and the frantic gestures she made at me to stop was a sight I wish I could have captured for posterity. The Officer in Charge looked on highly amused while I feigned ignorance and sheepishly told the Woman “Aiyo Mang Dane Naha! Mang hithuwe okkamma galawanda ona kiyala. Kalekata passé mang plane ekka yanne!” “Oh my god I didn’t know I thought I had to remove everything! I am taking a plane after a long time!” I don’t think the Woman quite realized that I was pulling her leg! My buddy in the meanwhile had missed all this and was frantically looking for me further down the walkway.
The inside of the Cabin was a sight for sore eyes. I breathed deeply absorbing the fragrance of the interior and felt at ease as I walked to my seat. I had picked a window seat as I always did on top of the wing. I looked out at the tarmac and the memories of the numerous occasions I had done the same thing flooded my mind. I thought to myself so this is what I missed out on all these years!
We were ready for takeoff and as I strapped myself in as the aircraft started the slow ride to the runway. I enjoyed every shudder and vibration that the engine made. I was on a high. The stewardess came with my drink and while sipping my smoothie and gazed out looking at the vast ground surrounding the taxiway when the Aircraft reached the take off position. The familiar sound of the engine revving up was so comforting as the Aircraft moved slowly at first and as it gained speed I watched the runway blurring as we approached takeoff speed. I waited for that moment when the Aircraft leaves the ground and suddenly you know you’re airborne and you hear the noise of the hydraulics in action. It was wonderful to be flying again!
As usual we left home late and made it to the Airport an hour before departure, passengers are supposed to be at the Airport three hours before, but that was nothing new to me. When I was a frequent traveller and my late first wife worked for an Airline I used to be at the Airport just in time to be bundled into the plane. That was another time of my life.
We made our way to the security check point and this was the first time I experienced post 9/11 security. I was standing behind my friend when a rather young pretty looking security officer requested me to remove my belt and shoes before passing through the metal detector. I couldn’t help it! I removed my belt and proceeded to unzip my jeans as if though I was going to strip! The look on the Woman’s face and the frantic gestures she made at me to stop was a sight I wish I could have captured for posterity. The Officer in Charge looked on highly amused while I feigned ignorance and sheepishly told the Woman “Aiyo Mang Dane Naha! Mang hithuwe okkamma galawanda ona kiyala. Kalekata passé mang plane ekka yanne!” “Oh my god I didn’t know I thought I had to remove everything! I am taking a plane after a long time!” I don’t think the Woman quite realized that I was pulling her leg! My buddy in the meanwhile had missed all this and was frantically looking for me further down the walkway.
The inside of the Cabin was a sight for sore eyes. I breathed deeply absorbing the fragrance of the interior and felt at ease as I walked to my seat. I had picked a window seat as I always did on top of the wing. I looked out at the tarmac and the memories of the numerous occasions I had done the same thing flooded my mind. I thought to myself so this is what I missed out on all these years!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
AFTER EIGHT YEARS A TRIP ABROAD
I last made an overseas visit in 2002 to India, and from that time onwards even though I did get a new passport in 2007 I never saw the inside of an airport all these years. Considering that I was such a frequent traveller from the age of 2 when my Mother took me on my first trip to India and my globetrotting as a Sailor and subsequently as a business traveller, in retrospect I am surprised that I was able to stay so long in Sri Lanka without feeling the urge to travel somewhere. I don’t what stopped me but my life had gone so wrong that I didn’t even feel the need or desire to even get out of Colombo. I guess alcohol was the only thing that mattered to me.
When I first came to the half way home in July 2008 I was too weak and drugged to take even a five minute walk in the compound. Things started improving after my third month and I did regain my strength and started my outdoor activities and by December 2008 I was very fit compared to what I was when I first came here. But though I did start wanting to travel abroad again I was afraid that I might not be able to stand the strain of travelling and at one time I had resigned myself to the fate that I am going to be stuck in Sri Lanka for the rest of my life!
But after I came back to the half way home last May one of the things I had decided was that I was going to make an overseas trip before the end of the year. This was one of the resolutions amongst others I had made when I was reflecting on a course of action while in hospital. The reason for this sudden obsession to travel was instigated by a story my late Sister had conveyed a long time before she died and during the period I was in an out of rehab and things were generally fucked up. Apparently she had been told by an Astrologer that I need to cross international waters if this bad period in my life was to come to an end!! I don’t particularly consider myself a very superstitious person and after my Sisters death my family generally abhors any thinking in that direction. But I was obsessed with this one statement she had made. I mean considering all the sound advice I had got on matters I should have listened to and didn’t should explain the logic of my convoluted thinking that I use when it suites me.
By July I was reorienting myself and staying with my best buddy during the week and coming to the half way home only on weekends. In spite of all the other hassles I was going through during this time the trip abroad was always in my mind. Problem was my Family were very reluctant to send me off anywhere on my own at that time and I couldn’t find anybody whom I could tag along with as well even for a short period of time. But then lady luck smiled at me. My best Buddy’s Sisters Daughter was getting married and the wedding was to be held in Hyderabad. His family knew me from child hood days and I had no problem in getting an invitation. So India it was and the tentative date of departure the 26th of December 2010, duration four days!!
This was end November and was I excited. I was going with my buddy and meeting people I had not seen since 1983. I was looking forward to it. Then came a small snag. I had lost all my previous passports and had only the current one which had no endorsements of travelling anywhere The Indian Visa Office required that I get a Police Report to that affect otherwise the chances of my getting a visa would be slim. Now I like most people in Sri Lankan hate visiting Police Stations unless it is absolutely necessary and in this case it was if I was going to break this jinx. Usually I know somebody or know of somebody who knows somebody to get things done. So I called one of the later who informed me not to be a dumb ass but just walk up to the nearest cop shop and make the complaint like anybody else without trying to draw unnecessary attention to myself as the cops would wonder why I was peddling influence for a simple matter of reporting expired passports that I had lost. Made sense so I did exactly that and walked to the nearest cop shop which was a couple of blocks away from my office and except for a slight misunderstanding with the chaps who let you through the main gate as I had inadvertently declared that I live elsewhere. They said in that case I had to make the complaint to a Police Station of that area. I resolved this with some ingenuity and made my way to the crimes desk.
A well-built Cop, quite pleasant looking and in civvies, was in charge. Ho queried as to what my problem was and once I explained what I had come for very politely requested me to wait till he finished resolving the problem at hand involving a transaction between a buyer and a seller of some textiles on a nonpayment of dues and wanted to know if I would like to take a walk and come back later. An offer which I declined saying that I will wait as this matter was a bit urgent since I had to apply for my Visa the next day. I sat and watched this interesting process of a genuine law enforcer doing a good job. I did complement the Cop when it was my turn and I noticed the wry smile of appreciation my comments evoked.
A rather pleasant looking Lady Cop sat herself next to me and proceeded to record my statement. It was going very well till I said in a mixture of Sinhala and English that I probably would have misplaced or dropped my passports taking them out of the case I carry my laptop Computer in when I travelled in the many three wheelers I take when I commute in and around the office area during the night. Now the statement is recorded in Sinhala and there was an embarrassing pause. The literal translation of laptop into Sinhala is extremely suggestive and the Lady Cop and I tried not to laugh while the Officer in charge looked nonchalantly at the Ceiling. I almost blurted out in Sinhala “Mang Oyage Odekkuwa Idegenna Mage Lapto ekka Pennendada?” “Shall I sit on your Lap and show you my Laptop?” Like I said the officer in Charge was well built! There was a pause and silence which was broken suddenly by the Lady Cop asserting loudly in Sinhala “Mama Dane ne naha me Magula mama Laptop kiyala Liyanawa!” Translation “I don’t know anything about this damn thing I am writing laptop!” I signed the statement and walked out and burst out laughing when I hit the side walk. A few passes by did give me strange looks. I did ask the guys in office if they knew what the correct term for a Laptop in Sinhala was. Everyone knew what a computer was and the only guy who checked online came up with a word that I didn’t even know existed!
I got my statement the next day and the visa three days after. I passed the Lady Cop on foot patrol prior to my departure to India, one day in the evening on my way home; she recognized me and gave me smile that will be etched in my memory for ever.
When I first came to the half way home in July 2008 I was too weak and drugged to take even a five minute walk in the compound. Things started improving after my third month and I did regain my strength and started my outdoor activities and by December 2008 I was very fit compared to what I was when I first came here. But though I did start wanting to travel abroad again I was afraid that I might not be able to stand the strain of travelling and at one time I had resigned myself to the fate that I am going to be stuck in Sri Lanka for the rest of my life!
But after I came back to the half way home last May one of the things I had decided was that I was going to make an overseas trip before the end of the year. This was one of the resolutions amongst others I had made when I was reflecting on a course of action while in hospital. The reason for this sudden obsession to travel was instigated by a story my late Sister had conveyed a long time before she died and during the period I was in an out of rehab and things were generally fucked up. Apparently she had been told by an Astrologer that I need to cross international waters if this bad period in my life was to come to an end!! I don’t particularly consider myself a very superstitious person and after my Sisters death my family generally abhors any thinking in that direction. But I was obsessed with this one statement she had made. I mean considering all the sound advice I had got on matters I should have listened to and didn’t should explain the logic of my convoluted thinking that I use when it suites me.
By July I was reorienting myself and staying with my best buddy during the week and coming to the half way home only on weekends. In spite of all the other hassles I was going through during this time the trip abroad was always in my mind. Problem was my Family were very reluctant to send me off anywhere on my own at that time and I couldn’t find anybody whom I could tag along with as well even for a short period of time. But then lady luck smiled at me. My best Buddy’s Sisters Daughter was getting married and the wedding was to be held in Hyderabad. His family knew me from child hood days and I had no problem in getting an invitation. So India it was and the tentative date of departure the 26th of December 2010, duration four days!!
This was end November and was I excited. I was going with my buddy and meeting people I had not seen since 1983. I was looking forward to it. Then came a small snag. I had lost all my previous passports and had only the current one which had no endorsements of travelling anywhere The Indian Visa Office required that I get a Police Report to that affect otherwise the chances of my getting a visa would be slim. Now I like most people in Sri Lankan hate visiting Police Stations unless it is absolutely necessary and in this case it was if I was going to break this jinx. Usually I know somebody or know of somebody who knows somebody to get things done. So I called one of the later who informed me not to be a dumb ass but just walk up to the nearest cop shop and make the complaint like anybody else without trying to draw unnecessary attention to myself as the cops would wonder why I was peddling influence for a simple matter of reporting expired passports that I had lost. Made sense so I did exactly that and walked to the nearest cop shop which was a couple of blocks away from my office and except for a slight misunderstanding with the chaps who let you through the main gate as I had inadvertently declared that I live elsewhere. They said in that case I had to make the complaint to a Police Station of that area. I resolved this with some ingenuity and made my way to the crimes desk.
A well-built Cop, quite pleasant looking and in civvies, was in charge. Ho queried as to what my problem was and once I explained what I had come for very politely requested me to wait till he finished resolving the problem at hand involving a transaction between a buyer and a seller of some textiles on a nonpayment of dues and wanted to know if I would like to take a walk and come back later. An offer which I declined saying that I will wait as this matter was a bit urgent since I had to apply for my Visa the next day. I sat and watched this interesting process of a genuine law enforcer doing a good job. I did complement the Cop when it was my turn and I noticed the wry smile of appreciation my comments evoked.
A rather pleasant looking Lady Cop sat herself next to me and proceeded to record my statement. It was going very well till I said in a mixture of Sinhala and English that I probably would have misplaced or dropped my passports taking them out of the case I carry my laptop Computer in when I travelled in the many three wheelers I take when I commute in and around the office area during the night. Now the statement is recorded in Sinhala and there was an embarrassing pause. The literal translation of laptop into Sinhala is extremely suggestive and the Lady Cop and I tried not to laugh while the Officer in charge looked nonchalantly at the Ceiling. I almost blurted out in Sinhala “Mang Oyage Odekkuwa Idegenna Mage Lapto ekka Pennendada?” “Shall I sit on your Lap and show you my Laptop?” Like I said the officer in Charge was well built! There was a pause and silence which was broken suddenly by the Lady Cop asserting loudly in Sinhala “Mama Dane ne naha me Magula mama Laptop kiyala Liyanawa!” Translation “I don’t know anything about this damn thing I am writing laptop!” I signed the statement and walked out and burst out laughing when I hit the side walk. A few passes by did give me strange looks. I did ask the guys in office if they knew what the correct term for a Laptop in Sinhala was. Everyone knew what a computer was and the only guy who checked online came up with a word that I didn’t even know existed!
I got my statement the next day and the visa three days after. I passed the Lady Cop on foot patrol prior to my departure to India, one day in the evening on my way home; she recognized me and gave me smile that will be etched in my memory for ever.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
ANOTHER DREAM
I went to sleep late last night very relaxed and quite content that I had done quite a lot during the day. It had been a while since I had listen to a track from my yoga music collection, so instead of tuning in to my favorite radio station I chose a track I use for my yoga that had a mix of modern Rock and Oriental instruments, put it on repeat, set the volume to suite my comfort zone and drifted off to sleep.
I find myself on top of a rock very similar to the one that the river Ganges in India gushes out from beneath the glaciers and starts its journey to the sea. If I remember right this is supposed to be very high in the Himalayas and bloody cold. But I am wearing a T-Shirt and Jeans and standing on the rock bare feet, which is very unusual for me. There is a pathway to the bank of the River and I walk down to the river bank, it’s more a stream really, wash my face in the cold clear water and drink some as well.
Though this is supposed to be the river it is very shallow and the rocks are sparkling under the sun. I walk across to the other side where there are some strange trees. They look like Christmas trees but they are all silver like something out of a picture post card. I try touching them but I can’t feel anything. There is no vegetation other than these trees and I am very confused but not particularly bothered by this surreal environment I find myself in. I look around me but I can only see these trees all around and pathways leading from where I am and disappearing into some sort of a haze. It’s like I am at a center of half a wagon wheel with the spokes leading away from me in irregular directions. It all looks pretty organized.
I pick one in random and walk away from the River and suddenly find myself in a field with weird shaped rocks placed all over the place. They vary in size but the path I am in snakes its way through these rocks and there are various branches leading away in different directions. It’s pleasant and I hear some faint music in the background. I walk a while but the scenery seems to be the same. I decide to take one of the branches to my left and I am back on top of the rock I started!
But now my Serendipity is at the bottom of the rock standing in the river. She too is wearing a T-Shirt but her Jeans are rolled up. She looks at me and I make out a sad smile. I go down towards her and though I try to talk I can’t. She is telling me that somebody has died. I can understand everything she is saying clearly but there is no sound except for the faint music. I look around and see two men walking up the River towards us, one is smiling at me as if though he knows me but the face is unfamiliar. He has very sharp features, sporting a beard and brown in complexion. I think I know him but I can’t place his face. The other is sullen and frowning at me. His features are not prominent and his image is vague. He has long unkempt hair and he doesn’t like me!
I turn towards my Serendipity and notice that is crying softly. I try to ask her why but she doesn’t seem to hear me. She looks forlon and so sad that my heart breaks. I am unable to comfort her. The guy who was smiling at me comes near me and puts his arm around my shoulders and I gather he is reassuring me that everything will be all right.
My phone rings suddenly and I realize I have my cell phone with me! I answer it and my dead sister wants to know when I would be joining my Mother and Her for lunch at the Hotel. My Serendipity is shaking her head at me and frowning now and this time I can’t understand what she is saying except she is annoyed at the interruption. I try to explain that I have to go to the Hotel but she keeps shaking her head. My smiling friend is still reassuring me while the other guys frown has turned menacing!
I don’t how long this drama went on but I am suddenly all alone on top the rock with loud music replacing what was in the background. It is the Osibisa track I use for my 6.30 alarm!
I find myself on top of a rock very similar to the one that the river Ganges in India gushes out from beneath the glaciers and starts its journey to the sea. If I remember right this is supposed to be very high in the Himalayas and bloody cold. But I am wearing a T-Shirt and Jeans and standing on the rock bare feet, which is very unusual for me. There is a pathway to the bank of the River and I walk down to the river bank, it’s more a stream really, wash my face in the cold clear water and drink some as well.
Though this is supposed to be the river it is very shallow and the rocks are sparkling under the sun. I walk across to the other side where there are some strange trees. They look like Christmas trees but they are all silver like something out of a picture post card. I try touching them but I can’t feel anything. There is no vegetation other than these trees and I am very confused but not particularly bothered by this surreal environment I find myself in. I look around me but I can only see these trees all around and pathways leading from where I am and disappearing into some sort of a haze. It’s like I am at a center of half a wagon wheel with the spokes leading away from me in irregular directions. It all looks pretty organized.
I pick one in random and walk away from the River and suddenly find myself in a field with weird shaped rocks placed all over the place. They vary in size but the path I am in snakes its way through these rocks and there are various branches leading away in different directions. It’s pleasant and I hear some faint music in the background. I walk a while but the scenery seems to be the same. I decide to take one of the branches to my left and I am back on top of the rock I started!
But now my Serendipity is at the bottom of the rock standing in the river. She too is wearing a T-Shirt but her Jeans are rolled up. She looks at me and I make out a sad smile. I go down towards her and though I try to talk I can’t. She is telling me that somebody has died. I can understand everything she is saying clearly but there is no sound except for the faint music. I look around and see two men walking up the River towards us, one is smiling at me as if though he knows me but the face is unfamiliar. He has very sharp features, sporting a beard and brown in complexion. I think I know him but I can’t place his face. The other is sullen and frowning at me. His features are not prominent and his image is vague. He has long unkempt hair and he doesn’t like me!
I turn towards my Serendipity and notice that is crying softly. I try to ask her why but she doesn’t seem to hear me. She looks forlon and so sad that my heart breaks. I am unable to comfort her. The guy who was smiling at me comes near me and puts his arm around my shoulders and I gather he is reassuring me that everything will be all right.
My phone rings suddenly and I realize I have my cell phone with me! I answer it and my dead sister wants to know when I would be joining my Mother and Her for lunch at the Hotel. My Serendipity is shaking her head at me and frowning now and this time I can’t understand what she is saying except she is annoyed at the interruption. I try to explain that I have to go to the Hotel but she keeps shaking her head. My smiling friend is still reassuring me while the other guys frown has turned menacing!
I don’t how long this drama went on but I am suddenly all alone on top the rock with loud music replacing what was in the background. It is the Osibisa track I use for my 6.30 alarm!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
A Time For Reflection.
The Sinhala and Tamil New Year has just passed on the 13th and 14th of April and I will post something about the dawn of the new year in due course. But today it is about the 16th of the year both 2010 and 2011 that my mind is occupied with. It is exactly one year since that day last year after another cycle of my fascination with Alcohol went on high gear once again that I was in admitted to hospital for my 3rd stint at rehab and mind you my record was improving as this was my 3rd instance between July 2008 and May 2010!
What is fascinating about the run up to this madness was I had returned home in December 2009 and by February I was back in full flow. My early morning drinking had commenced with a vengeance and the withdrawals had begun in earnest. I needed a hefty slug of hard liquor by four AM daily. In mid-March the situation had deteriorated to such an extent even I started to get very concerned! So I had one of my brain waves. Since my resume has under experience a paragraph on rehab I decided to do a do-it-yourself rehab. I hired a private nurse and got all the paraphernalia required for a drip and got it administered twice a day for one week and at the end of it all I had weaned myself off hard liquor and had got down to only on two small cans of beer a day. I had done it. I was now the only do-it-yourself converted alcoholic to social drinker!!! But it lasted only for a week! By the beginning of the 2nd week of May I was back at it in earnest. On the 16th of May 2010 I collapsed after drinking 10 cans of potent beer in the morning and was in my usual room in the hospital by afternoon!
I have tried over the last year to figure out this self-destructive nature I seem to be blessed with and I have still to come to any rational explanation that I can comprehend let alone convince anyone else for any rational for this or for that matter make any sense of this behavior. But let me try now to set the backdrop to this with some historical and undisputed facts.
It was as early as 1996 that a team of Doctors was assembled to handle my case. It had my GP and personal physician, a psychiatrist and a team of other specialist consultants. At that time as was revealed to me by my wife subsequently Bi Polar was suspected but I never ever gave the rehab process enough time to establish this. As usual in four or five days I got discharged and went back home and for about a week I did find myself in an awkward position of not being able to navigate physically without assistance.
I was living in an up stair apartment and couldn’t walk up when I came home and didn’t walk down at all for a week. I stayed of the booze and a strange thing happened one morning. I got up feeling very well and I had a guest who had come to see me and I didn’t realize I had walked down with him to see him off unconsciously. I was elated and I quickly showed off to my wife and I really thought I had done it!! So much so that a long lost friend of mine who coincidentally visited me that same morning commented that I looked really good. She would know as just a year or so before that I had visited her in my old home town and I was so drunk I could barely walk. I immediately went around socializing and getting back into the circuit and everything was going so well and I was in 7th heaven. Eating well, sleeping well and I never felt so great. Guess what? One day I just felt the need to have a beer!! And it didn’t take long for the feel good factor and everything else to just take a hike and from then on accept for a brief period in 2005 when my present psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bi Polar and my acceptance of it in July 2008. I have not felt as good as that time till this last rehab and my return to the half way home in May last year.
I have tried to analyses what goes wrong with me that this return to alcohol phase of mine is recurrent. After 2008 the only common thread in this drama of my life is my going back to my residence. I went back in January 2009 and was hospitalized in July the same year, went back in December 2009 and was in hospital in May 2010 and it is only this time that I have managed to spend an entire year without being in hospital accept in December last year when everybody thought I had the H1N1 infection before my trip to India. I have not been a saint by any means but I seem to have got over this problem at last. I do though keep reminding myself every day that the promise I made to myself that I will never be hospitalized because of alcohol is something that I will never let happen ever again in my life is of paramount importance and something not to be taken for granted.
The uncertainty of something going horribly wrong again was there in the run up to the first year anniversary of my promise. I had some important issues to resolve before I finalized my plans after I finish my studies next month. My deadline of 31st August is also drawing near. One third the year is over and I have just five months to achieve my goals. So many unknown eventualities and situations had to be dealt with and I had to be very clear in my mind as to what I could and couldn’t expect from those around me and how much I would have to be self-reliant to see the months after August this year to get to the point I want to be at, so that the dawn of 2012 would be the best of the last decade. I was very apprehensive that I wouldn’t be able to handle this without resorting to the bottle.
Well, I did it! I can now be confident that whatever I have to deal with in the future is not an issue any more and the relief that I am no longer dependent on alcohol is probably the greatest achievement in the years since 1996. I think I am now ready not only to lead a normal life that will be fulfilling but also start looking at what really went wrong after I lost my Brother in Law in 1992 and maybe I will at last find the truth that I have been either consciously or subconsciously avoiding and come to terms with it in every sense of the word!
What is fascinating about the run up to this madness was I had returned home in December 2009 and by February I was back in full flow. My early morning drinking had commenced with a vengeance and the withdrawals had begun in earnest. I needed a hefty slug of hard liquor by four AM daily. In mid-March the situation had deteriorated to such an extent even I started to get very concerned! So I had one of my brain waves. Since my resume has under experience a paragraph on rehab I decided to do a do-it-yourself rehab. I hired a private nurse and got all the paraphernalia required for a drip and got it administered twice a day for one week and at the end of it all I had weaned myself off hard liquor and had got down to only on two small cans of beer a day. I had done it. I was now the only do-it-yourself converted alcoholic to social drinker!!! But it lasted only for a week! By the beginning of the 2nd week of May I was back at it in earnest. On the 16th of May 2010 I collapsed after drinking 10 cans of potent beer in the morning and was in my usual room in the hospital by afternoon!
I have tried over the last year to figure out this self-destructive nature I seem to be blessed with and I have still to come to any rational explanation that I can comprehend let alone convince anyone else for any rational for this or for that matter make any sense of this behavior. But let me try now to set the backdrop to this with some historical and undisputed facts.
It was as early as 1996 that a team of Doctors was assembled to handle my case. It had my GP and personal physician, a psychiatrist and a team of other specialist consultants. At that time as was revealed to me by my wife subsequently Bi Polar was suspected but I never ever gave the rehab process enough time to establish this. As usual in four or five days I got discharged and went back home and for about a week I did find myself in an awkward position of not being able to navigate physically without assistance.
I was living in an up stair apartment and couldn’t walk up when I came home and didn’t walk down at all for a week. I stayed of the booze and a strange thing happened one morning. I got up feeling very well and I had a guest who had come to see me and I didn’t realize I had walked down with him to see him off unconsciously. I was elated and I quickly showed off to my wife and I really thought I had done it!! So much so that a long lost friend of mine who coincidentally visited me that same morning commented that I looked really good. She would know as just a year or so before that I had visited her in my old home town and I was so drunk I could barely walk. I immediately went around socializing and getting back into the circuit and everything was going so well and I was in 7th heaven. Eating well, sleeping well and I never felt so great. Guess what? One day I just felt the need to have a beer!! And it didn’t take long for the feel good factor and everything else to just take a hike and from then on accept for a brief period in 2005 when my present psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bi Polar and my acceptance of it in July 2008. I have not felt as good as that time till this last rehab and my return to the half way home in May last year.
I have tried to analyses what goes wrong with me that this return to alcohol phase of mine is recurrent. After 2008 the only common thread in this drama of my life is my going back to my residence. I went back in January 2009 and was hospitalized in July the same year, went back in December 2009 and was in hospital in May 2010 and it is only this time that I have managed to spend an entire year without being in hospital accept in December last year when everybody thought I had the H1N1 infection before my trip to India. I have not been a saint by any means but I seem to have got over this problem at last. I do though keep reminding myself every day that the promise I made to myself that I will never be hospitalized because of alcohol is something that I will never let happen ever again in my life is of paramount importance and something not to be taken for granted.
The uncertainty of something going horribly wrong again was there in the run up to the first year anniversary of my promise. I had some important issues to resolve before I finalized my plans after I finish my studies next month. My deadline of 31st August is also drawing near. One third the year is over and I have just five months to achieve my goals. So many unknown eventualities and situations had to be dealt with and I had to be very clear in my mind as to what I could and couldn’t expect from those around me and how much I would have to be self-reliant to see the months after August this year to get to the point I want to be at, so that the dawn of 2012 would be the best of the last decade. I was very apprehensive that I wouldn’t be able to handle this without resorting to the bottle.
Well, I did it! I can now be confident that whatever I have to deal with in the future is not an issue any more and the relief that I am no longer dependent on alcohol is probably the greatest achievement in the years since 1996. I think I am now ready not only to lead a normal life that will be fulfilling but also start looking at what really went wrong after I lost my Brother in Law in 1992 and maybe I will at last find the truth that I have been either consciously or subconsciously avoiding and come to terms with it in every sense of the word!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Social networking
It's been sometime since I posted but this time I have a valid excuse. I have been at last doing something productive as far as improving my skills are concerned and at last enrolled in a class to assess if I can study once again. I should know in a couple of weeks. But in the meanwhile my Serendipity as usual has been chiding me for not posting regularly and not keeping to various other promises I have made in the last few weeks. But what can be done as I always maintain these things happen.
Anyway we have been chatting about various subjects over the past few days and she told me sometime ago that she wanted to do a thesis on Social Networking with special emphasis on face book which incidentally she detests with a vengeance. I did open a face book account some time back but somehow other I still prefer emails, online video and chats to posting on walls. But who am I to criticize, it is hugely popular and has played an important role in people lives no doubt.
But this conversation started a different thought process in my mind. When I cam back to my retreat in May last year I was extremely disjointed and very disillusioned about my life and was really looking for an avenue to start communicating anonymously without all the baggage I was carrying. In other words a fresh start in life minus 52 years ( at that time ) of history. So I found a Social Networking Site and signed on. I think it was in early June 2010. For about 10 days I was very active trying out all the features, and believe you me there were some very interesting ones at that but my focus then changed towards getting back to Colombo and I lost interest and completely forgot about this till two weeks ago when this conversation came up.
I logged on to my account and found out it was still active and there had been quite a number of people who had viewed my profile which was very basic and bold I might add but I was intrigued that almost ten people had even mailed me. Now all this had happened in between the months off June and December 2010. I refreshed my memory by looking at all the features once again and spend a couple of days looking at profiles, searching for people with similar interests, participated in forums and polls and in those two days I made contact with about 10 people from varied backgrounds from all over the world, learned about so many different things, saw how other people viewed life, got input into problems that everybody faces all over the world and at the end of it all realized that this medium served a very important function in so may peoples lives on a daily basis. That was some insight to me.
Now I know a twenty Seven year old student who's philosophy in life is fascinating, a 37 year old who has a fantastic blog, somebody who flowered me an orchid which made me research and find out a whole heap of things about this exotic plant, a sixty year old Woman who wants to learn English and somebody with whom I shared this blog and got positive feed back among other things in those two days.
I also read about people whose expectations of the site were not fulfilled and those who really didn't know how to participate and get involved to find like minded people to share common interests. Of course there were those who were abusive and absolute bores but this is the net you don't like what is going on just leave.
To me it is a fantastic place to start interacting with diversity and expand my scope and comprehension on things that I like and would like to pursue for my enhancement and development and in that process get to know more and more interesting people apart from those I have known in my life so far. I am sure I will be the better because of it. Now I check the site everyday to see what is going on and I do get surprised frequently!
Anyway we have been chatting about various subjects over the past few days and she told me sometime ago that she wanted to do a thesis on Social Networking with special emphasis on face book which incidentally she detests with a vengeance. I did open a face book account some time back but somehow other I still prefer emails, online video and chats to posting on walls. But who am I to criticize, it is hugely popular and has played an important role in people lives no doubt.
But this conversation started a different thought process in my mind. When I cam back to my retreat in May last year I was extremely disjointed and very disillusioned about my life and was really looking for an avenue to start communicating anonymously without all the baggage I was carrying. In other words a fresh start in life minus 52 years ( at that time ) of history. So I found a Social Networking Site and signed on. I think it was in early June 2010. For about 10 days I was very active trying out all the features, and believe you me there were some very interesting ones at that but my focus then changed towards getting back to Colombo and I lost interest and completely forgot about this till two weeks ago when this conversation came up.
I logged on to my account and found out it was still active and there had been quite a number of people who had viewed my profile which was very basic and bold I might add but I was intrigued that almost ten people had even mailed me. Now all this had happened in between the months off June and December 2010. I refreshed my memory by looking at all the features once again and spend a couple of days looking at profiles, searching for people with similar interests, participated in forums and polls and in those two days I made contact with about 10 people from varied backgrounds from all over the world, learned about so many different things, saw how other people viewed life, got input into problems that everybody faces all over the world and at the end of it all realized that this medium served a very important function in so may peoples lives on a daily basis. That was some insight to me.
Now I know a twenty Seven year old student who's philosophy in life is fascinating, a 37 year old who has a fantastic blog, somebody who flowered me an orchid which made me research and find out a whole heap of things about this exotic plant, a sixty year old Woman who wants to learn English and somebody with whom I shared this blog and got positive feed back among other things in those two days.
I also read about people whose expectations of the site were not fulfilled and those who really didn't know how to participate and get involved to find like minded people to share common interests. Of course there were those who were abusive and absolute bores but this is the net you don't like what is going on just leave.
To me it is a fantastic place to start interacting with diversity and expand my scope and comprehension on things that I like and would like to pursue for my enhancement and development and in that process get to know more and more interesting people apart from those I have known in my life so far. I am sure I will be the better because of it. Now I check the site everyday to see what is going on and I do get surprised frequently!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Death Of the Cooks Husband.
After the post about the Doomsday scenario the subject of dying has turned up once again. I have written elsewhere about this and only reinforce the point that I maintain as my principle to take the trouble to visit somebody when they are alive. It shows you care enough as opposed to the obligatory visit when they are dead. In any case I am not aware of attendance registers maintained by dead folks, but I may be wrong. If a relative has died then the circumstances of course would be different but there again who knows the status quo between relatives?
I hate funerals and avoid them like plague. The drama of the grieving and the sometime absurd lengths that the whole process is fraught with is something I find hard to cope with. And most of the time I find it very difficult to use the right words to express sympathy effectively. But in all situations I am faced with I do find exceptions when it matters to me.
One of the Cooks of the half way home had lost her husband a couple of day’s back who had died after suffering a heart attack. She was one of the better persons in the Institute and I genuinely felt sorry for her. But I didn’t know her husband and till I heard of his death I wasn’t aware that she had a husband who was alive! Mind you I have been here since July 2008. Nevertheless I felt obliged to pay a visit to her house when the body was brought for mourning and felt a hypocrite at the end of it all. The absurdity of the sentiments she expressed with her grief made my Serendipity laugh when I shared them with her yesterday. So much so for empathy with human suffering!
The Cooks younger Sister owns the shop where I purchase my cigarettes and the shop had been closed the last couple of days which was a quite an inconvenience and was I relieved that the funeral was last evening and the shop was open this morning when I went for my regular purchases. The Sister is very fond of me and naturally the conversation was all about her dead Brother in Law and I in my morbid curiosity had to find out all the background information which of course was freely available.
I learned all about the dead man and his fine attributes; I wonder how many of them were invented after his death? It was idle gossip on a bright Tuesday morning and was interesting in so much that here was a guy who had no record of heart problems, was just going to turn 60 in couple of months and the only known condition was blood pressure for which he was being treated for some time now. Apparently he had complained of a severe chest pain in the wee hours of the morning on that fateful day and had been rushed to the main hospital nearby.
What is astounding is the fact that he had been talking normally and walked into the ward and it was only after the Doctor had performed the ECG that it transpired he had already suffered a massive heart attack and wouldn’t survive for long. The Doctor had dispatched everybody out the room and kept only the Son next to the man and as expected the convulsions and shuddering’s followed soon and he died very quickly.
On hearing this I said a quick prayer, and I hoped that whoever the God in charge of me heard it, which echoed and requested from the all mighty to ensure that when my time was up to please ensure that I go walking talking and fall dead in a jiffy! The Sister put it very well, in Sinhala she said “Suba Marane! Apita thamai Duka”. A good death! We live with the sorrow.
I hate funerals and avoid them like plague. The drama of the grieving and the sometime absurd lengths that the whole process is fraught with is something I find hard to cope with. And most of the time I find it very difficult to use the right words to express sympathy effectively. But in all situations I am faced with I do find exceptions when it matters to me.
One of the Cooks of the half way home had lost her husband a couple of day’s back who had died after suffering a heart attack. She was one of the better persons in the Institute and I genuinely felt sorry for her. But I didn’t know her husband and till I heard of his death I wasn’t aware that she had a husband who was alive! Mind you I have been here since July 2008. Nevertheless I felt obliged to pay a visit to her house when the body was brought for mourning and felt a hypocrite at the end of it all. The absurdity of the sentiments she expressed with her grief made my Serendipity laugh when I shared them with her yesterday. So much so for empathy with human suffering!
The Cooks younger Sister owns the shop where I purchase my cigarettes and the shop had been closed the last couple of days which was a quite an inconvenience and was I relieved that the funeral was last evening and the shop was open this morning when I went for my regular purchases. The Sister is very fond of me and naturally the conversation was all about her dead Brother in Law and I in my morbid curiosity had to find out all the background information which of course was freely available.
I learned all about the dead man and his fine attributes; I wonder how many of them were invented after his death? It was idle gossip on a bright Tuesday morning and was interesting in so much that here was a guy who had no record of heart problems, was just going to turn 60 in couple of months and the only known condition was blood pressure for which he was being treated for some time now. Apparently he had complained of a severe chest pain in the wee hours of the morning on that fateful day and had been rushed to the main hospital nearby.
What is astounding is the fact that he had been talking normally and walked into the ward and it was only after the Doctor had performed the ECG that it transpired he had already suffered a massive heart attack and wouldn’t survive for long. The Doctor had dispatched everybody out the room and kept only the Son next to the man and as expected the convulsions and shuddering’s followed soon and he died very quickly.
On hearing this I said a quick prayer, and I hoped that whoever the God in charge of me heard it, which echoed and requested from the all mighty to ensure that when my time was up to please ensure that I go walking talking and fall dead in a jiffy! The Sister put it very well, in Sinhala she said “Suba Marane! Apita thamai Duka”. A good death! We live with the sorrow.
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